Best Stoner Jokes

Post Your Best Stoner Jokes!

Q. What does Wheel of Fortune and dope dealers have in common?
A. They both charge $250 for a O

Q. How do you know when your a pothead?
A. You've studied for a urine test for 5 days

Thats all I got I'm sure there much better ones out there, let me know.

LOL i liked them

i dont have any stoner jokes

A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!" The Fireman asked "How do we get there?" The stoner says "DUH, the big red truck!"

Two old dudes are sittin' around coolin' it. One say to the other, "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Man?" "Oh, I was just reminiscin' 'bout Woodstock". "Man?!!? You wuz never at Woodstock!" Oh,... yeah".

Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "got any weed?" He says "no!" So the stoner leaves. The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey you got any weed?" The man says "No I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here." So the Stoner leaves again. The stoner walks in the next day and says "Got any weed?" The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin burnout we don't sell weed here, if you come in here again, I'm goin to nail your fuckin teeth to the floor!!!" So the stoner leaves. He comes in the next day. "You got any nails?" "No", the clerk replies. The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"

This guy buys some really good stuff. he comes home, rolls a good-sized joint, and starts to decide where to hide the rest of the pot in his room. "Ok I'll hide it under the table," he says to himself. So he hides it under the table. then he thinks for a minute. "Wait if the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "............." And I'll be all fucked up. Well I'll hide it under the bed." ...then he thinks for a minute... "No, wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "............." "And I'd be all fucked up. Well, then I'll hide it on the bookshelf...But wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "No." "Do you have it..." "OH FUCK!!! WHERE DID I HIDE IT??........"

racerboy71 said:

This guy buys some really good stuff. he comes home, rolls a good-sized joint, and starts to decide where to hide the rest of the pot in his room. "Ok I'll hide it under the table," he says to himself. So he hides it under the table. then he thinks for a minute. "Wait if the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "............." And I'll be all fucked up. Well I'll hide it under the bed." ...then he thinks for a minute... "No, wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "............." "And I'd be all fucked up. Well, then I'll hide it on the bookshelf...But wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "No." "Do you have it..." "OH FUCK!!! WHERE DID I HIDE IT??........"

Click to expand...

I liked that one rep if i can

two apples were hanging around smoking.
the first apple turns to the other and says "dude this weeds gettin me trippin"
the seconds responds with "FUCK MAN, A TALKING APPLE!"

Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad?

A. I don't know! I never have it longer than an hour!!



Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?

A. Homeless.




Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?

A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph. and talking to the upholstery.



Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?

A. The cop!!!



Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?

A: A pothole!



Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?

A. His dealer lived on the other side.



Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree?

A. Pass him a joint

and a few more for your viewing pleasures..

Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ?

A. A pot belly

Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ?
A. Double jointed.

Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.

Q. How do fish party ?

A. Seaweed.

Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?

A. Malnutrition.

Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?

A. A Liar.

Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?

A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.

i think the last one is my favorite out of the bunch...
god, i love google, lol...

one hippy tripper says to the other hippy tripper
hey man if you got a moth ball in ya right hand and a moth ball in ya left hand what do you have
other hippy tripper says woahhh man u trippin me out what?
hippy tripper says A FUCKING BIG MOTH

So a stoner walks into a department store and says how much for the t.v. in the window? The shop keep says Sorry I dont serve stoners. The Stoner comes back the next day and says he quit smoking pot then asks the same question and the shopkeeper tells him again they dont serve stoners. So he comes back a third day and says I really have quit smoking, how much for the t.v.? The keep says we dont serve stoners. "Fuck man how do you know im a stoner?" the stoner asks. The shop keep says "Because its a fucking microwave!!"

A stoner finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, "Son, I'm a genie. And since you helped me I'll give you three wishes." The stoner says, "I want a six-inch joint!" The genie says, "Okay!" POOF! They stuff a six-inch joint and smoke it between the two of them. "What's the second wish? asks the genie. "I want a twelve-inch joint," says the stoner. "Okay," says the genie. POOF! And they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. "And the third wish?" "I want a twenty-inch joint!!" POOOF!! So, they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. Finally, the genie gets up and says, "Okay, it's time for me to go." The genie takes a couple of steps, pauses, turns around and says, "Okay, just one more wish

A cop stops a stoner and says "Your eyes are red, have you been smoking weed?" and the stoner replies "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

Knock knock.....

Oh...Stoned Pony...........

Rip stoned pony