Rape

[Yeah]

This may be so but I wasn't talking about the 'no not tonight hone...I'm not in the mood' kind of thing. I am talking about being brutalloy and violently attacked and raped.I think shame is the number 1 contributing factor as to why these things are not reported.
Sad to say but true.

I know what you're saying. I'm just saying that the statistic may be a little distorted depending on a person's individual definition of rape.

Either way, it's too high of a number and it's sad most people do not feel comfortable reporting or talking about it.

 

[Lacy]

Yes I understand what you mean. You have NO idea of the fight I put up. No idea!!! I fought with everything I had and then some but it did little good and if anything just excited these bastards more. In my case....fighting did not help but it is what they wanted.

The strange thing is that now I am hyper vigilent. I can take just aboput anything out of context to think it is personally an attack on me. Because I don't want to be a doormat I often now find myself overly aggressive. Then by the time I realize it I try to compensate in some other unhealthy manner. I'm wondering if this is ever going to change.

I do have a problem asserting myself. I find it difficult communicating with people and trying to find that healthy balance.

Its always easier to look back and see all the things you could have done differently but when fear has taken over; your common sense is out the door.

I thank you for your imput celestial and all you others.
It is very interesting how most of the men view this differently but then again how can they not? I don't think most men could relate to this in the same way woman can.
I hope none of you men take any offence to that.

Apparently rape victims who fight back are more able to come to terms with the incident afterwards in a healthy way than those who react passively. I think that this can apply to any situation in life and personally I really admire you for being able to do so. I still find myself working hard sometimes to be as assertive as I'd like to be in situations, and when I fail it does make me wonder how I'd be able to react if I ever did find myself in a situation where I really had to fight hard. Sometimes I think that the desire to be nice/agreeable/not wish to be a troublemaker leads people to behave in a way they regret and even if putting up a fight proves to be futile, at least you help preserve your self-respect by doing so.

 

[Lacy]

Yes. Thats true. Its is not clearly defined so who is to say.

I Understand

I know what you're saying. I'm just saying that the statistic may be a little distorted depending on a person's individual definition of rape.

Either way, it's too high of a number and it's sad most people do not feel comfortable reporting or talking about it.

Yes it is unfortunately

 

[Lacy]

Yes exactly.

I even have had fantasies about being raped but in fantasies YOU are the one in CONTROL and you get to dictate how the entire scenerio is to be played out. That doesn't happen with REAL rape.

Yes. If you want it. Its not rape. Totally agree wikid.

I totally agree, there's a difference between someone's rape FANTASY, and an actual rape. Rape is something you don't want. You can be a person who has fantasized about rape, and if someone forces sex on you that you don't want, does that mean you weren't raped because you've wanted it before?

I remember once I got into this argument with a girl who told me she wanted to be raped. I said, "If you want it, it's not rape."

 

[Celestial]

It is very interesting how most of the men view this differently but then again how can they not? I don't think most men could relate to this in the same way woman can.

I think this is a really insightful observation. I would imagine any man who is walking home alone late at night, who wakes up in the middle of the night alone and scared because he's heard a disturbing noise etc, doesn't immediately have his thoughts turn to rape in the way a woman might. When you're a woman vs a man it is almost inevitable you will be at a disadvantage regarding physical strength and I think this is something that every woman has had cause to think about some time or another. No matter how well your husband/partner/boyfriend treats you or how high his moral standards are, it is impossible to entirely eliminate the thought that if push came to shove, he'd be able to overpower you physically should he chose to abandon all decency/laws/rules of society.

 

[Lacy]

Lacy, I find your post interesting because this is a subject I've thought about from time to time and wondered about the same things (I'm female, if that makes any difference). I am always a little sceptical about these statistics - 1 in 4 women... etc. - because if they are not reporting the incident or discussing it, how is their experience able to be incorporated into such statistics in the first place?Agree completely.

When I think of all the close female friends I have and have had over my life (I am in my early 30s), I have never once heard any of them claim to be a victim of such a crime. The only firsthand experience I've ever had with the issue was when I was at university and volunteered to work at the uni helpline and one night a girl phoned and was really distraught, saying she'd been raped. I found it a really unpleasant experience and while I felt so terribly sorry for her, I am ashamed to admit that when she relayed the story which included excessive drinking and going home with a man she had only known for a few hours, some small (and very uncharitable!) part of me couldn't help but feel she bore some responsibility for what had happened. I know that a lot of people would probably feel more extreme in that view and perhaps that is what puts people off reporting such crimes, not to mention the potential trauma of dealing with police, being examined physically and even having to go to trial. Yes exactly. I understand where ou are coming from. I remember watching that movie where jodie foster plays that gurl who gets gang raped at a bar while she is playing pool with a binch of guys. Now although it is just a movie a big part of me also thought the same thing. Well she was kinda of asking for it??? I get what you are saying. Certain woman can really put themselves out there and you have to wonder about that.

In my situation it all started in my own home....by myself. I am a loner. Always have been










hink that when a lot of women who have no firsthand experience of rape imagine such a thing, they picture the attacker as being a stranger/intruder. I think that sometimes it may be difficult to draw the line between excessive pressure from a man to have sex and rape, particularly if the victim has been a willing and physically receptive participant up to a certain point.

I think that it's easy to forget how much has changed for women even in the last half-century. I was really surprised to learn that spousal rape was not outlawed here in the UK until the early 1990s and the blame-the-victim mentality was very much in force up until very recently and it does take time for such attitudes to change. While they are in effect, even if only currently amongst the unenlightened and older generations, this will prove an obstacle to victims reporting such crimes. Yes I agree.

As far as counselling goes, I am not sure. I have never had to seek any kind of counselling personally, but sometimes I think (in a kind of self-indulgent way) that it would be nice to unashamedly talk about nothing but yourself and your own feelings for hours on end and know the recipient was professionally forced to remain objective. I guess for someone who feels they can't speak to someone they know through shame/guilt/uncertainty etc. it might be helpful to get a bit of perspective on the situation and if the person is surrounded by people who all share similar views and opinions, a bit of objectivity or a different viewpoint mightbe helpful in coming to terms with the issue.I have spoken to many woman recently that have been raped and most of them have gone to counselling. Most woman just try and deal with it themselves which I am not sure is a good idea or not but I can understand the relunctance to so so.

I also remember watching a programme on TV a while back on Britain's most common sexual fantasies - male and female - and a rape scenario rated pretty highly for women. The show was quick to bring on a number of psychologists to comment that this in no way indicated a desire to be raped in reality but I guess if you have had those fantasies, it may decrease the likelihood of reporting such a crime and encourage self-blame.

Yes thats crazy.

I think this is a really insightful observation. I would imagine any man who is walking home alone late at night, who wakes up in the middle of the night alone and scared because he's heard a disturbing noise etc, doesn't immediately have his thoughts turn to rape in the way a woman might. When you're a woman vs a man it is almost inevitable you will be at a disadvantage regarding physical strength and I think this is something that every woman has had cause to think about some time or another. No matter how well your husband/partner/boyfriend treats you or how high his moral standards are, it is impossible to entirely eliminate the thought that if push came to shove, he'd be able to overpower you physically should he chose to abandon all decency/laws/rules of society.

Yes celest. you are so right. We are consciously aware of our size difference from day one. i never reall gave this a lot of consideration but you are right.
How could this not affect how we think? Of course it would make the two sexes think differently. Thats a very good point.

Thanks so much for your viewpoints celestial. Its nice to have other woman's view points as well as mens.

 

[gardenandcats]

The biggest reason I believe why Women do not report rape is because of the legal system...Its bad enough to be raped but to have to go to court and prove it was rape . Then have the court system try to make the women look like she was asking for by bringing up her past behavior the way she was dressed ect... It takes a strong person to go to court and have to prove that she was a victim and not teasing the guy dressing seductivley ect .. I had a close friend who did report and did go to court and Yes the man is still in jail he was found guilty... This happens way to often and its time for the court system to change and not try to make the women look like it was her fault..

 

[Papaya]

Well Guys can get raped too..well molested.

When I was 6 years my aunt would molest me and *rape* if u insist. She forced me to give her oral this went on for from age 3-7 every once in a while. And I dont want to sound like a freak or anyting but over the eyars I though it was normal so I liked it..Until I learend about in school. But I was like ashame and scared..So never reported..it.. But yeah.

 

[PoseidonsNet]

I have a friend who was falsely accused of such things and speant 5 years in prison because his wife was a vindictive lier. He became a priest in the end.

I think the reason that the legal system cannot deal properly with the problem is that it is virtually impossible to prove consent or not.

I know of two other guys who almost had their live destroyed through false rape claims, but managed to get acquitted.

In Islamic conutries it is required that 4 male relatives confirm the victims story. The only reason for this is false rape claims.

I estimate that about half of such claims are false. Those women who lie like this are the ones that are making it so difficult to catch the real offenders.

 

[Lacy]

The biggest reason I believe why Women do not report rape is because of the legal system...Its bad enough to be raped but to have to go to court and prove it was rape . Then have the court system try to make the women look like she was asking for by bringing up her past behavior the way she was dressed ect... It takes a strong person to go to court and have to prove that she was a victim and not teasing the guy dressing seductivley ect .. I had a close friend who did report and did go to court and Yes the man is still in jail he was found guilty... This happens way to often and its time for the court system to change and not try to make the women look like it was her fault..

YES EXACTLY!!!! Not only is there such shame but if you try and prove it you get disbelieved and then have to prove it. Excuse my language here BUT who the hell wants to go through that all over again to be judged by some shmucks who don't even know you. I happen to dress very conservatively and don't even go to places that would warrant such behaviour. For me it was all about power and an eas target for entertainment that got WAY carried away.
I have thought about going to civil court but my hubby and I both agree that it just wouldn't be worth it. The humiliation of just over through the nightmare with one person is devastating enough. I can't imagine what it would be likie to be in court and go through it with all eyes watching.
No. I have to agree with 100%.

Thanks for the imput garden and cats. Alwas appreciated from you.

Well Guys can get raped too..well molested.Yes I know they can. That is why I included comments from mena nd women.

When I was 6 years my aunt would molest me and *rape* if u insist. She forced me to give her oral this went on for from age 3-7 every once in a while. And I dont want to sound like a freak or anyting but over the eyars I though it was normal so I liked it..Until I learend about in school. But I was like ashame and scared..So never reported..it.. But yeah.

I also had similar experiences. When you are THAT young it can ver confusing.
I mentioned in other thread that when you expose this type of behaviour to young children they don't have the ability to comprehend it at all. If the abuser is making it enjoyable and into a fun game then the child doesn't know any better until the get older and even then it is not usually talked about. I think this is more common than is reported because of shame and humilation. And YES of course fear.
What will happen if other people find out.?Will i be taken away? Its too much for a young mind to process when the decisions the should be making ought to be which colour of crayon do I want to use now.
I thank you for sharing that. Its not often that men come forth.

I have a friend who was falsely accused of such things and speant 5 years in prison because his wife was a vindictive lier. He became a priest in the end.And those type of woman piss me off to no end. To cry rape when no crime was committed makes the rest of the women who have gone through hell look bad.

I think the reason that the legal system cannot deal properly with the problem is that it is virtually impossible to prove consent or not.Ok here you are talking something cpmpletely different.

I know of two other guys who almost had their live destroyed through false rape claims, but managed to get acquitted.

In Islamic conutries it is required that 4 male relatives confirm the victims story. The only reason for this is false rape claims.I am sorry BUT that sounds like total bullshit. 4 MALE relatives??????? Are you kidding me???????????????????? Thanks OBSURD!!!!! twisted



I estimate that about half of such claims are false. Those women who lie like this are the ones that are making it so difficult to catch the real offenders.

Ok you had me at first but once I read the rest of this....I just think your system is f**ked. Sorry but.

 

[PoseidonsNet]

Systems evolve according to what is required of them. Obviously Islamic women are more dishonest than Christian women, which is why there are differences in the legal codes.

In ancient India women were in the habit of killing their husbands to get the inheritance, the solution was to bury the women when the men died. Harsh and primitive, but it evolved for a reason.

After what happenned to Ntini, Zuma, and Billy, I am a natural sceptic about rape stories. Of course the real thing does happen. Just don't assume that the women is being honest.

Its a difficult issue. No easy solutions, except to live as purely as possible, then you will be believed. If you're lucky.

 

[Lacy]

Systems evolve according to what is required of them. Obviously Islamic women are more dishonest than Christian women, which is why there are differences in the legal codes.I actually came back to apologize for shooting down your comments. In presenting this topic I should be more open monded to other people's opinions but I am neither Islamic nor christian and I don't even understand why religion is even ebing rbought into this discussion.

In ancient India women were in the habit of killing their husbands to get the inheritance, the solution was to bury the women when the men died. Harsh and primitive, but it evolved for a reason.Well. Isn't that lovely?

After what happenned to Ntini, Zuma, and Billy, I am a natural sceptic about rape stories. Of course the real thing does happen. Just don't assume that the women is being honest.

Its a difficult issue. No easy solutions, except to live as purely as possible, then you will be believed. If you're lucky.

I was living as purely as possible. Minding my own business quieting in the country. Didn't even know my neighbours but I do now I am a loner. I don't go out to night clubs ....quit that scene decades ago just about. Didn't even part except with the odd friend I knew around here or by myself.
Sleeping in my bed. How much friggin' pure do you expect here?

Just don't assume the woman is being honest??????

How about lets assume she isn' t lying? You see over here we don't have whacked ot sysytems like you do. Don't Islamic woman have to wear bedsheets around their entire body including their face????

And who's idea was THAT???????????? You men of course????

.....................................................................................................

Please don't even start with me. You have no idea who you are dealing with here. But if you wish to continue then do so at your own risk

 

[PoseidonsNet]

Don't Islamic woman have to wear bedsheets around their entire body including their face?

All over the world people cover up therre bodies because of perverts.

Judging by your comments I can only assume that you were terribly wronged, and I feel badly for you. I was beaten over 500 times over 5 years by the Afrikaaners of South Africa. While its not rape, it is just as humiliating and degrading.

All I am saying is that one cannot merely assume the woman is being honest. Do you believe that every woman who reports rape is being honest? If you do then that is very sad, because many men are imprisoned falsely.

I only seek the truth. I am sorry if someone with a similar shape genitalia to me has deeply offended you. but don't make me your scapegoat.

I have studied this extensively.

 

[PuGGz]

I know this is a dark scary sadistic topic to post about but it is something that is on my mind more often than I would like to admit.

According to statistics '1 in every 4 woman 'are raped at least once in their lives. Since most woman do not report this crimes I tend to think it is more.

There seems to be common issues and characteristics amongst these survivors...ie; trust issues etc
I am wondering if any others would like to share your opinions about this scary topic and bring some light to it.

There are so many things I want to ask about but I'm not sure I should

1/ Why do woman/men NOT report rape?
2/ Why is it so common and yet so disregarded? (people like to sweep it under the carpet like it doesn't happen)
3/ Why is it that most rapist are people you personally know and not merely strangers?
4/ Does councelling really help the people view themselves differently?

I'm not starting this thread to be a drama queen or am out to seek pity or attention. I sincerely want to know other people's viewpoints on it if anyone is bold enough to contribute.

Wow you've really taken to the edge on this one you might have to be careful about what you bring up over the internet as people have strange views and tend to feel they can say what they want without understanding how they could make other people feel and statistics are world wide coverage where rape occurs prominently throughout the countries which raises the world average, so be fortunate that you don't live in a place where it occurs quite as much as what statistics state they do, i had a quick scan over the thread and it seems a lot of people have rather different opinions about rape, whether they have had personal experiences or only know statistics.
Personally i think it is one of the lowest things a man/woman could ever do to another being. Its demoralising acts like rape that can completely change the outlook of a persons life...

To answer your questions

1/ Why do woman/men NOT report rape?
There are many different reasons according to lifestyle and situation of the victim but mostly consist of fear, judgement, hopelessness simply because of the way society looks at rape and deals with it. Unfortunately not enough is done about rape cases because of lack of evidence (which to me is total BS)

2/ Why is it so common and yet so disregarded? (people like to sweep it under the carpet like it doesn't happen)
Well almost like the answer for the first question, it all depends on who you have surrounding you in your life and who you can feel you can trust enough to take serious notice and or action for what has happened, the more rapists that get away with it never have to deal with the consequences or repercussions of there actions and the reality of doing physical and mental damage to another person.

3/ Why is it that most rapist are people you personally know and not merely strangers?
Simply because it easier and in most situations the rapist can somewhat control the victim and not let them seek out help. If the rapist can convince surrounding people that he/she is telling the truth and the victim is merely making up story's then he/she has won and without being caught will most likely continue there ways.

4/ Does counselling really help the people view themselves differently?
Now this is a very sketchy subject because of the very different outcomes from counselling. In some cases counselling and medication might be the only real help for these people, in other cases its not needed as they have strong supportive people in there lives to help with the ordeal, then there are the few cases that not even counselling can help because the damage is to far for the individual has been to much and they end up taking there own lives for the terrible nature of the rapists. and that is unforgivable....

Well I hope you get the answers you need to help guide you and let you know there are many people out there willing and wanting to help any person that has suffered from rape.

 

[Joker52]

my friend got in trouble for "raping" a girl. He didn't even have sex with her and she was fine. she basically lied, but she didn't get in trouble cause everyone wants to rescue the girl instead of investigate what happened.

 

[PuGGz]

the islamic and muslim laws are the worst in the world for equal rights for women. women are raped, abused, slaughtered, sold and circumcised in these places all for the men... absolutely pathetic in my opinion, a religion that can't even respect a another life form for who they are and what there moral rights should be...

 

[Joker52]

the islamic and muslim laws are the worst in the world for equal rights for women. women are raped, abused, slaughtered, sold and circumcised in these places all for the men... absolutely pathetic in my opinion, a religion that can't even respect a another life form for who they are and what there moral rights should be...

That's the most fucked up thing. They get treated like fucking shit.

 

[Lacy]

All over the world people cover up therre bodies because of perverts.So is that the reason wh Islamic women have to cover up SO MUCH? Believe me I know there are perverts out there but I am not going to start wearing bedsheets or cover myself completely. Why should I suffer because there are perverts in the world?

Don't your women have to walk behind you men? In my opinion you have alread suppressed your own women. Its just my opinion but come on.


Judging by your comments I can only assume that you were terribly wronged, and I feel badly for you. I was beaten over 500 times over 5 years by the Afrikaaners of South Africa. While its not rape, it is just as humiliating and degrading.Yes I was tortured horrifically but I don't want to go there. It is EXTREMELY degrading. Some things just don't leave my mind.

All I am saying is that one cannot merely assume the woman is being honest. Do you believe that every woman who reports rape is being honest? Unfortunately No I do not believe all women that cry rape are being truthful and like I said in other post; this type of disceptiveness discredits others who have suffered. If you do then that is very sad, because many men are imprisoned falsely. This may be true BUT I believe MOST men who rape get away with it so I am on the opposite side of the spectrum here.

I only seek the truth. I am sorry if someone with a similar shape genitalia to me has deeply offended you. but don't make me your scapegoat.No worries. Its not the fact that you are a man that has offended me. Its just that you can not compare the two topics.
I also don't believe in how you treat your women but then again; that isn't ou personally that made it that way.

I have studied this extensively.

You may study as much of this shit as you'd like until you are blue in the face. That doesn't make you right!!!!!

I have been RAPED extensively!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You remind me of going to see psychiatrists. its all book knowledge. Please don't even compare book knowledge to actual experience. THAT pisses me off.

 

[PoseidonsNet]

the islamic and muslim laws are the worst in the world for equal rights for women. women are raped, abused, slaughtered, sold and circumcised in these places all for the men

the western and christain laws are the worst in the world for equal rights for men. men are sodomised, abused, slaughtered, sold and circumcised in these places all for the women.

: - touche'

 

[Joker52]

the western and christain laws are the worst in the world for equal rights for men. men are sodomised, abused, slaughtered, sold and circumcised in these places all for the women.

: - touche'

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