Tell a Joke

Jimdamick

Jimdamick

Well-Known Member
Pinhead, ( oop's) I meant Pinworm, (luv ya) gave me an idea on what this site could really use, and that is a continuous joke or the funniest thing you know thread. So here it is, have fun.

An Italian, a Jew and an Irishman went into a bar to have a drink.
"Give us 3 beers" said the Irishman to the bartender, and the bartender happily complied, and brought them 3 nice cold mugs of beer. They all raised their glasses to give a toast, and as they prepared to drink, all three noticed a fly in each of their drinks.
The Italian looked down at the fly, grabbed it, stared at it, tossed it on the floor, licked his fingers and proceeded to imbibe the beer.
The Jew said "Oye vey", and then said to the bartender "I want a new beer"
The Irishman looked down at his beer with a frown, and watched as the fly swam around, leaving a trail of foam in it's wake.
In the blink of an eye, the mick reaches down and grabs the fly by it's wings, removing it from his beer.
Then with a great roar, starts to shake the fly above his glass, screaming at the top of his lungs
"Spit it out, spit it out"
End of story.
 
Last edited:
Diabolical666

Diabolical666

Well-Known Member
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.
 
Jimdamick

Jimdamick

Well-Known Member
Diabolical666 said:
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.
Click to expand...
very fucking funny
 
Trousers

Trousers

Well-Known Member
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.

A Horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"


Two cannibals are were eating a clown. One looks at the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
 
6ohMax

6ohMax

Well-Known Member
Jimdamick said:
Pinhead, ( oop's) I meant Pinworm, (luv ya) gave me an idea on what this site could really use, and that is a continuous joke or the funniest thing you know thread. So here it is, have fun.

An Italian, a Jew and an Irishman went into a bar to have a drink.
"Give us 3 beers" said the Irishman to the bartender, and the bartender happily complied, and brought them 3 nice cold mugs of beer. They all raised their glasses to give a toast, and as they prepared to drink, all three noticed a fly in each of their drinks.
The Italian looked down at the fly, grabbed it, stared at it, tossed it on the floor, licked his fingers and proceeded to imbibe the beer.
The Jew said "Oye vey", and then said to the bartender "I want a new beer"
The Irishman looked down at his beer with a frown, and watched as the fly swam around, leaving a trail of foam in it's wake.
In the blink of an eye, the mick reaches down and grabs the fly by it's wings, removing it from his beer.
Then with a great roar, starts to shake the fly above his glass, screaming at the top of his lungs
"Spit it out, spit it out"
End of story.
Click to expand...

no you got it right the first time .
 
Gary Goodson

Gary Goodson

Well-Known Member
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
 
justugh

justugh

Well-Known Member
the first 2 dirty jokes i learned

what do u call 100 bulls beating off ..........beef stroking off

what do u call a alien with 3 balls............ET the Extra Testicle
 
justugh

justugh

Well-Known Member
insult joke

someone is talking that u really dislike wait until they are done and state
i understand now (you)
they ask what
why the chicken crossed the road ......to get the fuck away from u (you)
then u walk away

old school burn joke .....it always works because as u know they always say WHAT
 
Jimdamick

Jimdamick

Well-Known Member
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bub?
It takes 5.
One to hold the bulb
And 4 to lift and spin the ladder.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top