Chronic Pain Thread

diemdepyro

diemdepyro

Well-Known Member
My spine is cutting the cord at the c-3 level.I am not paralyzed but i will be if I don't quit breathing first. Slowly very slowly. Nothing helps. There is no surgery no treatment. Pain killers are all bullshit. Doctors are all patronizing wieners with dollar signs in there eyes.

In my sublime agony I laugh. I laugh because amongst all this bullshit... life goes on. I try to ignore my prognosis. Sweet, sweet denial. I love denial. I love thinking someday if I can live long enough some smart doc will cure me. Then I wake up and realize i am fucked. Was that a dream? Was it a nightmare?

This is all a bad dream and I am fine? I hope so? I took celebrex for 5 years and stroked out. Some days I wish The stroke led me to a dirt nap. The bliss of death. Who wants to live with pain that is only guaranteed to get worse on a daily basis?

I keep a giant handgun loaded, cocked, semi brass jacked hollow points , safety off by my bed. I ask myself "is this the day?" . Frequently I awake in agony. Body parts paralysed by spasm. Some times I have to sleep sitting up. All I desire then is to sleep laying down. Never satisfied with my position.

Pain is my mistress. Sleep eludes me. Death defies me.
Doctors insult me. This dog watches me.
The dog is my shadow. That is truly mans best friend. No matter how angry I get that animal is capable of unconditional love.

On my bad days nobody wants to hear me scream. The strength and duration of my pain are apparently limitless.

I know it is hard to watch a loved one suffer, locked is spasm, water leaks from my face.
My good days are filled with denial and hope. Usually mixed with some potent dope.

I watch what I eat exercise do all the right things. This is ironic , worried about my cholesterol and sleeping with a weapon. Always hoping that I will have the courage to end this all when the time comes.

I went to some pain managers. Tons of morphine. Never worked. Oxy never worked. Stadol......demerol....I have tried all the pain killers. They only numb your intellect. Being too stupid to fully appreciate your situation.


Feel free to post your own rants it helps. Spill your guts. If you tell it you have accepted it. Until the sweet sweet denial sets in.
 
Little Tommy

Little Tommy

Well-Known Member
Diemdepyro -

I hear you. 20 years ago I got crushed from the waist down. I got hit head on by a drunk driver on my way home from work 2 weeks before Christmas. I spent 3 weeks in ICU, another 4 months in the orthopedic ward and a year in a hospital bed in my living room. After about 2 years I had to try to learn to walk again. I used to call the physical therapist that came to my house The Queen of Pain. I was lashing out at the people closest to me because I was angry. My only relief came in my dreams. Playing football, baseball and all the other stuff I did before the wreck. It took about 5 years until I was crippled even in my dreams. Some days I wanted to strangle the med proffessionals as I felt they desperately needed it. I got tired of them jacking me off. Peace -
 
diemdepyro

diemdepyro

Well-Known Member
Little Tommy said:
Diemdepyro -

I hear you. 20 years ago I got crushed from the waist down. I got hit head on by a drunk driver on my way home from work 2 weeks before Christmas. I spent 3 weeks in ICU, another 4 months in the orthopedic ward and a year in a hospital bed in my living room. After about 2 years I had to try to learn to walk again. I used to call the physical therapist that came to my house The Queen of Pain. I was lashing out at the people closest to me because I was angry. My only relief came in my dreams. Playing football, baseball and all the other stuff I did before the wreck. It took about 5 years until I was crippled even in my dreams. Some days I wanted to strangle the med proffessionals as I felt they desperately needed it. I got tired of them jacking me off. Peace -
Click to expand...
This is exactly why I started this thread. Personal peoples total pain experience. Good post Little Tommy. How is the pain now?
 
Little Tommy

Little Tommy

Well-Known Member
Some days are better than others - you know how that goes. Some days I can do nothing and other days I get around a little. I have been through the gauntlet of pain meds and found that opioid based pain meds work 2-3x more effectively when you add a little MJ. I have a 24 year old son who does the grunt work on my grow and that helps alot. I made a deal with my wife. When the pain is great enough she will let me go. I have a 11 year old daughter too and a loaded gun is not an option for me. I couldn't bear to have her see that. I will just start saving up meds when the time is right and go to sleep. Normal people do not consider these options but floks like us do. One medication to slow and eventually stop the breathing and another to put you to sleep while it all happens. How sick is that? It is a reality that some days the pain is so great that we ask ourselves is today the day?
 
diemdepyro

diemdepyro

Well-Known Member
Little Tommy
"It is a reality that some days the pain is so great that we ask ourselves is today the day?"
This is life. It's all good.:)
 
Baz

Baz

Well-Known Member
Man i feel for you guys, my mum is having problems that doctors caused but can not fix, i don't want to go into detail, but i hope you guys manage with your awfull probs, after all its just a life & when its all over and your on your way through the gates of heaven you will look back on your life witha smile, knowing you passed the test you were given, good luck to you both and i hope you get some reliefe someway

Peace
 
poplars

poplars

Well-Known Member
well, I was in chronic pain for 2 years, then it stopped. however I am permenantly injured in my right arm, and I expect in my older years I will be in pain every day from this injury. I have only 35% movement in my right arm (however I'm left handed) which includes wrist rotation. this happened from me working one day and falling on it locked straight, this fractured bones off and they managed to get themselves stuck inbetween the joint. locking my arm in place . (with a little movement possible.)

so I had surgery on it 2 years ago, which left me in pain for a year and a half straight, and now I'm here. it's stable and functional because I worked hard on it, but it of course is still a permenant injury, so only a matter of time before it starts giving me problems again.

maybe not exactly chronic pain, but for a while I understood it all too well. my mom lives in constant chronic pain as well.
 
The Son of Man

The Son of Man

Well-Known Member
you got it easy----there's some disease where you hear constant ringing in your ears and people have to be strapped to a bed so they don't kill themselves.
 
ANC

ANC

Well-Known Member
Hey man, thinking of you...
I have been boarded for more than 10 years with very bad AS, you can read more about it at www.kickas.org.
I totaly relate to your distrust of doctors..., the bleak future (I'm supposed to be in a wheel chair allready, but I still kinda manage to walk.
The pain never goes away, but your brain develops a way of putting it on a seperate channel... when you need to you can/will tune it out, but it takes a while to develop this skill.

As for day to day life, I just play it by my rules now... do what I want when I want, cause I will not always have the liberty of makeing these choices.
Luckily I also am on medical aid (our version of insurance), but it doesn't pay for everything. (it does give 100% dental cover ,so on days when I'm unhappy with their payouts I book lots of visits with the dentist, let him knock himself out)... makes me feel better and makes my teeth look better. A win win.

I will not wish you good luck, because words are futile in the face of what lies ahead of you, but I will hope for your adjustment, and quick relief.

I see you have a Jack Herer link in your sig...
Small world... one of the rastas I know, knew Jack well.
 
misshestermoffitt

misshestermoffitt

New Member
Did you watch that video about the hemp oil? I really think it might be able to do something for you.

I trust doctors about as much as I trust cops, lawyers and politicians.
 
misshestermoffitt

misshestermoffitt

New Member
Ah-ha, I knew someone around here had that on their sig.

So have you tried the stuff? I want to make some, but I don't have 2 pounds of weed handy.
 
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