Gee, that's terrible. If a species dies out the world will come to an end. That's what happened when all the dinosaurs died out and it happened each time the untold number of various species died out from natural selection over the millennia.
This country has gone insane. When a three toed pink bellied orange gilled purple finned cross-eyed mud skipper, or a bat, is more important than something that is important for national security you know things are fucked up beyond all recognition.
Oh no Mr. Oilman, you can't drill here. Up the road five miles there is a tiny pond with a gay turtle in it and if the right one in a million accidental occurrence happens the poor little turtle might suffer. So, that means it's far better for the entire nation to remain more reliant on an unstable part of the world for our oil and put up with being bent over and impregnated without any Vaseline on the price than it is for you to tap into that billion gallons of crude oil under our feet. After all, gay turtles have rights you know.
Catch the little bastard and put it in another pond, or if need be make Mr. Oilman dig the fruity little turtle a new pond .... but don't let a gay turtle stand in the way of something that is far more important to the nation than a million turtles would ever be.
I don't want anyone to think that I am not an animal lover. I love animals. Last weekend I grilled a couple delicious venison steaks and Monday I made a great venison stew and my dogs and cat have been feasting on the less tender pieces of venison. I'm a member of PETA ... People who Eat Tasty Animals ... so don't bother to reply saying I don't care about animals.
