Make me laugh........jokes/photos/memes

A father and son went to see a doctor since the father was getting very ill.

The doctor told the father and son that the father was dying from cancer.

The father who was an Irishman, turned to his son and said, "Son, even on this dark and gloomy day, its our tradition to drink to health as it is in death, so let's go to the bar and celebrate my demise."
Reluctantly, his son follows him to the local bar. There, while enjoying their beers, the father sees some old friends and tells them he is dying from AIDS.
Shocked, the son turns to his father and says, "Father, you're not dying from AIDS, you're dying from cancer, why did you lie to those men?"

The father replies, "Aye, you are right, my son; but I don't want those guys sleeping with your mom when I'm gone."

Police Officer to the pothead: “How high are you, son?”

Pothead laughs: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

Never realized so many Muslims smoked weed;

I always hear about them getting stoned . . .

What did the paper say to the weed?

Let’s roll!

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roses are red, violets are glorious............................... don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorious
..

tyler.durden said:

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One star

This is five stars mate!

Hahaha

LetsGetCritical said:

roses are red, violets are glorious............................... don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorious
..

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I wish I could like this twice!

tyler.durden said:

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Now that was funny, I don't care who you are!

When you entered Tyler, it became a 2 star

A very stoned woman went to the doctor and touched her knee and said “It hurts when I touch myself here.”
Then she touched her elbow and said “and it hurts when I touch myself here.”
Then she touched her arm and said “and it hurts when I touch myself here,”
and she touched her head and said, “and it hurts when I touch myself here…”
The doctor, smelling the strong aroma of marijuana, smiled and replied;
“You have a broken finger.”

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

There were three guys on their way to hell;
a sex addict, a weed addict and an alcoholic.

The devil made a deal with them saying; “I will lock you in a room with your sins for 1,000 years, and if you get over any of your sins and repent, I will send you back to the land of the living.

So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcoholic got locked in a room full of beer, and the weed addict was locked in a room full of weed.

1,000 years later the Devil returns to the sex addict, who comes out of his torture chamber screaming “AAARRGGGH! My dick hurts, man; I learned my lesson and I’m never having sex again!” Poof! Back to earth the sex addict went.

The devil then opened the alcoholic’s room who cried in desperation; “I’m never having another beer again!” and Poof! He is returned to earth.

Finally the Devil opens the marijuana addict’s room, who immediately punches the Devil in the face while sobbing; “There’s no fucking lighter in here, there’s no fucking lighter in here!”