Joseph, Mary, Jesus and...

skunkushybrid

New Member
This has got to be one of the best stories in the bible. Joseph has never done the deed with mary, she lived with him for a while yet she still refused to put out.

One day Mary comes home after a hard at market, and while joseph is busy trying to invent the chair, Mary tells him that she has some joyous news. Joseph sits himself down on a stone shaped for that purpose and mary drops to her knees, taking his hands into her own.

"Joseph," she says, half giddy with excitement. "I'm pregnant!" The smile is still on Joseph's face as he slowly starts to realise exactly what this bitch is saying.
"How?" is all he can manage as shock takes a hold.
"Silly." she chides. "You know you're the only man for me." She stares at him, eyes wide with excitement, expecting him to know exactly what she's talking about. He just stares back, eyes wide with shock. "It was the lord of course!" She laughs giddily and slaps him on the knee. "The lord did it, Joseph. It's a miracle!" Joseph stands from the stone, his head spinning with what are obviously a pack of lies. He grabs mary by the arm and starts to drag her towards the door. "Ow." Mary cries. "You're hurting my arm! Where are you taking me?"
"We're going to see the rabbi." Joseph growls. "So help you woman if he tells me you are anything other than pure." Joseph takes her to the dwelling of the rabbi. The rabbi is having lunch with his wife and notices through a small window Joseph dragging Mary towards his door. The rabbi pales, and hurries to the door.
"Yes?" the rabbi asks, trying to force a welcome smile through the acres of guilt lining his face. Mary throws a sly wink the rabbi's way, and he visibly relaxes before Joseph tells him the story. The rabbi instantly drops to his knees declaring a miracle. Joseph, though is not having any of it and he insists that the rabbi do the test. The rabbi ushers them in and tells his wife to leave the house. She dutifully obeys. The rabbi gives mary's arse a little squeeze as he inserts the tip of his finger into her vagina, the rest of his finger he uses to stimulate her clitoris. After a few minutes the rabbi removes his finger and declares her still a virgin.

This may explain how Joseph was convinced. Now how was everyone else?
 

skunkushybrid

New Member
Isn't there anybody with the balls to admit they believe the immaculate conception? They'd have to be big.

No man in the world would believe such a story. Joseph must have been a complete muppet.
 

bigballin007

New Member
The whole story of the bible is false! Science has already proven the that the Earth evolved as life has, and was never created in 7 days!
The whole story is a form of governmental control over it's citizens.

The funniest thing about it is that millions of idiots believe in it lmfao!!!!
 

Garden Knowm

The Love Doctor
I can admit this..

My mom's name is mary and my dad's name is joseph.... and my name is NOT jesus.. but i wear sandals sometimes..

iloveyou
 

Garden Knowm

The Love Doctor
The whole story of the bible is false! Science has already proven the that the Earth evolved as life has, and was never created in 7 days!
you're joking right?

are you saying that the bible is false because science is true?

do you belive in gravity?

cause einstein proved there is no such thing as gravity over 40 years ago...

iloveyou

The bible and science are the exact same... identical... no different...
same stuff... and what are they... they are... drum roll please.... ...???
 

Nizzan

Well-Known Member
do you belive in gravity?

cause einstein proved there is no such thing as gravity over 40 years ago...
You are joking right? I realy need your source on this "Einstein proved there is no such thing as gravity of 40 years ago". Does this statement come from your ignorance or do you have a source for this statement? I say this because I have read no less than 2 complete biographies on Albert Einstein and have never found anything even remotely saying that Einstein "proved that there is no such thing as gravity". I think you are misquoting based off of apparent bias to attack science. Maybe I am wrong, but if I am please let me know where you got this information so that I may be educated.

You see it is actually quite simple. The scientific hierarchy goes like this...
first someone comes up with a Hypothesis. The Hypothesis is tested repeatidly by multiple independant sources over a long period of time. When the sources come up with consistant information that supports the Hypothesis then it becomes a theory. After years and years and years of the theory being tested hundreds, thousands or even millions of times then it becomes a scientific law.

Here is the problem. "Newton's law of gravity". It's a scientific law. It is not, and has not been disproven or it would not be a law.

On the other hand. The bible and it's preachings don't even make it to the status of "Hypothesis" because it keeps failing even the initial tests... like the existance of fossils and carbon dating. Its nice to have faith but you may want to get your facts together first before making up statements to try and slam science just because you fealt that Religion was being attacked.

Peace
 

skunkushybrid

New Member
but gravity is still real? I've never heard this one before. So how did einstein explain this? What goes up must come down... what goes left doesn't have to go right... motion and gravity are surely two different things.
 

Nizzan

Well-Known Member
actually, newton published the laws of motion. there is no 'law of gravity'
Well, then since you still failed or couldn't find your "source" for Einstein proving that gravity doesn't exist... then it would only be proper for me to quote my source(s) for my info. So let the list begin....:

Newton's Law of Gravity
Sir Isaac Newton: The Universal Law of Gravitation
Newton's Law of Gravity
Newton's Law of Gravity
Gravity Concepts and Applications

And now lets try some published books:

Discovering Nature's Laws: A Story About Isaac Newton - by Laura Purdie Salas

Newton and Gravity: The Big Idea - by Paul Strathern

The Infinite Universe of Einstein and Newton - by Barry Bruce

Gravity from the Ground Up: An Introductory Guide to Gravity and General Relativity - by Bernard Schutz

And these are just some of the lists from respected and accredited universities and other information sites along with respected published books. AGAIN, it looks like you are making up information to try and create a bogus point!:roll: Again, if you are going to try and introduce information try quoting a respected source!

Oh, yeah.... BIG TIME.... F_A_C_E!!!!!:hump::hump::hump:
 

TillthedayiDIE420

Well-Known Member
you're joking right?

are you saying that the bible is false because science is true?

do you belive in gravity?

cause einstein proved there is no such thing as gravity over 40 years ago...

iloveyou

The bible and science are the exact same... identical... no different...
same stuff... and what are they... they are... drum roll please.... ...???
now not to be smart just i want to get my opinion in.
Seriously, how can you say gravity is not real? thats how we don't float away... when you see people in space there... Floating because of zero gravity, science is Proven, millions of studies and calculations that have all been proven.

Bible is a story made up thousands of years ago. How were there dinosars did god make them? got bored threw a comet, killed em all. Whipped us up, and liked us better because we kill each other, so he kept us.

i dont know how someone can deney science. sorry but that is your opinion and you have the right too it. but i am a man of science.
how do we develope further in life, from science. Everything in science is correct, but then there are things that dont make sense in science that happen.
but i also believe in other life in space. im not a nerd who likes to nerd it up about aliens, i just have a Instinct in my head that knows were not the only ones in the universe. 100% without a doubt.

but i think that was a funny way to sum it up skunk good storey.


You kick that Scientific ass Nizzan :bigjoint:
 

skunkushybrid

New Member
science and religion are not the same thing. Religion makes things up while science tries to discover the truth. To say that you believe in science is ridiculous as science is real. How do we know we breathe in oxygen? That water is 2 parts hydrogen? Premature babies?

My first son was born 3 months early with undeveloped lungs. He'll be seeing his third birthday very soon. This is science.

For all you deity believers, who cares more about life, science or your god?
 

preoQpydDlusion

Well-Known Member
nizzan, i never said that gravity doesnt exist. but u seem to have proved to me that newton really did come up with a law of gravity. thx

science and religion are the same thing. theyre both incomplete. anybody who bases their perspective on one set of guidelines (or any for that matter) is submitting themselves to a naive mindset.

"Religion makes things up while science tries to discover the truth." true, but religion isnt all that bad. both attempt to describe things we dont "know". religion goes one step further and attempts to explain what we will never be able to test. science doesnt reach as far, but it plays the devils advocate and attempts to legitimatize our knowledge. both make predictions, and neither will ever be infallible.
 

skunkushybrid

New Member
nizzan, i never said that gravity doesnt exist. but u seem to have proved to me that newton really did come up with a law of gravity. thx

science and religion are the same thing. theyre both incomplete. anybody who bases their perspective on one set of guidelines (or any for that matter) is submitting themselves to a naive mindset.

"Religion makes things up while science tries to discover the truth." true, but religion isnt all that bad. both attempt to describe things we dont "know". religion goes one step further and attempts to explain what we will never be able to test. science doesnt reach as far, but it plays the devils advocate and attempts to legitimatize our knowledge. both make predictions, and neither will ever be infallible.
religion is all-but dead preo'... and you've kinda contradicted yourself by agreeing that religion makes things up while science tries to discover the truth, as this makes them different. One is based on lies the other on truth, they are not the same but in fact complete opposites.
 
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