MagicA
Well-Known Member
In the spirit of some of the postings I have seen in here; pull up a chair, take a puff and enjoy some light hearted humour.
I'm a pot plant. Fairly easy to grow. I have been grown for thousands of years highly successfully and all the knowledge you could ever need to grow me up and cure my buds is available, extensive and easy to find.
My owner decided that they are special and clever and decided not to pay attention to all the information out there and instead...
As a seed, my owner put me in a jar and pissed on me to help me germinate. Never mind a bit of water and some paper towels for a couple of day.
When they transplanted me to soil, they took a giant shit on me and threw some compost including bacon, chicken wings and a pizza that had gone bad into my soil.
I struggled away and still managed to do ok. Next they thought that 18 hours of light and 6 hours of dark for my vegetative state wasn't good enough for me. First they played with 14 hours of light and then 14 hours of dark and then moved to 24 hours of light and 24 hours of dark for a few days before I almost died and they switched me back.
I am about to go into flower and I felt really funny for the last few days. Then I realized that my owner had decided to try the beer and whiskey nutrient program they developed one night as they had come to the conclusion that it might help them get drunk AND high when I was done.
In the flowering period now and my owner seems to think it is ok to jack off on me while spanking my fan leaves and calling me a "bad girl".
Apparently even though everyone says that 12 hours of light and then 12 hours of uninterrupted darkness was not good enough for me my owner decided to pop in for a chat when the lights were out and used their halogen work lamp to work on me at night.
I don't know what's happening to me but I seem to be feeling a lot more like a male lately and I am not sure what these little balls are doing starting to appear. To make things worse I am starting to smell and not the way I am supposed to.
My owner couldn't find molasses and decided that perhaps pouring pancake syrup on my leaves, buds and roots in an undiluted form would be most excellent for my health. They also seemed to think the pancake and the bacon strips that came with their syrup might also help and I have that laying at the top of my pot.
One of my owners friends came over (they all know about my owners grow. My owners felt that the golden rule about not telling anyone only applied to other people) anyway this friend was an expert too and they proceeded to throw some meth, coke, 85% pure alcohol and I can't say what else but lets just say women provide it for us once a month apparently.
It's a shame I can't talk because I could tell my owner that I have all kinds of bugs and mold all over me now but I suppose they will find out if they ever manage to take me to harvest.
It's harvest time now and my owner has decided that rather than using a microscope at 30X or higher to check the colour of my trichomes they would just guess and ended up chopping me up too early.
I am fading fast now so this will be my last entry but before I slipped into unconsciousness I felt my parts being slipped into jars filled with all kinds of things like an entire bottle of vanilla extract, half a pineapple and four large oranges. Oh well, I suppose all the mold that is on me will appreciate it and I am pretty sure the remaining spider mites will too.
I know I asked for help but I guess it's too late. Maybe my story will help someone else. I would say it might help my own owner but while I am fading fast I seem to hear the sound of firetrucks coming towards me. It might have something to do with the overloaded circuit or perhaps the ballast that wasn't wired just right.
It's not like it matters I suppose as my owner had told so many of their friends that the police were scheduled to drop by fairly soon anyway.
Too late for help. I am fading now. If only my owner had learned how to read and pay attention everyone here. Why is everything fading.....
I'm a pot plant. Fairly easy to grow. I have been grown for thousands of years highly successfully and all the knowledge you could ever need to grow me up and cure my buds is available, extensive and easy to find.
My owner decided that they are special and clever and decided not to pay attention to all the information out there and instead...
As a seed, my owner put me in a jar and pissed on me to help me germinate. Never mind a bit of water and some paper towels for a couple of day.
When they transplanted me to soil, they took a giant shit on me and threw some compost including bacon, chicken wings and a pizza that had gone bad into my soil.
I struggled away and still managed to do ok. Next they thought that 18 hours of light and 6 hours of dark for my vegetative state wasn't good enough for me. First they played with 14 hours of light and then 14 hours of dark and then moved to 24 hours of light and 24 hours of dark for a few days before I almost died and they switched me back.
I am about to go into flower and I felt really funny for the last few days. Then I realized that my owner had decided to try the beer and whiskey nutrient program they developed one night as they had come to the conclusion that it might help them get drunk AND high when I was done.
In the flowering period now and my owner seems to think it is ok to jack off on me while spanking my fan leaves and calling me a "bad girl".
Apparently even though everyone says that 12 hours of light and then 12 hours of uninterrupted darkness was not good enough for me my owner decided to pop in for a chat when the lights were out and used their halogen work lamp to work on me at night.
I don't know what's happening to me but I seem to be feeling a lot more like a male lately and I am not sure what these little balls are doing starting to appear. To make things worse I am starting to smell and not the way I am supposed to.
My owner couldn't find molasses and decided that perhaps pouring pancake syrup on my leaves, buds and roots in an undiluted form would be most excellent for my health. They also seemed to think the pancake and the bacon strips that came with their syrup might also help and I have that laying at the top of my pot.
One of my owners friends came over (they all know about my owners grow. My owners felt that the golden rule about not telling anyone only applied to other people) anyway this friend was an expert too and they proceeded to throw some meth, coke, 85% pure alcohol and I can't say what else but lets just say women provide it for us once a month apparently.
It's a shame I can't talk because I could tell my owner that I have all kinds of bugs and mold all over me now but I suppose they will find out if they ever manage to take me to harvest.
It's harvest time now and my owner has decided that rather than using a microscope at 30X or higher to check the colour of my trichomes they would just guess and ended up chopping me up too early.
I am fading fast now so this will be my last entry but before I slipped into unconsciousness I felt my parts being slipped into jars filled with all kinds of things like an entire bottle of vanilla extract, half a pineapple and four large oranges. Oh well, I suppose all the mold that is on me will appreciate it and I am pretty sure the remaining spider mites will too.
I know I asked for help but I guess it's too late. Maybe my story will help someone else. I would say it might help my own owner but while I am fading fast I seem to hear the sound of firetrucks coming towards me. It might have something to do with the overloaded circuit or perhaps the ballast that wasn't wired just right.
It's not like it matters I suppose as my owner had told so many of their friends that the police were scheduled to drop by fairly soon anyway.
Too late for help. I am fading now. If only my owner had learned how to read and pay attention everyone here. Why is everything fading.....
