"GET WASTED! You may want to be high as balls before reading my book."

"Rarity from the Hollow – is rare indeed
Posted: June 13, 2015 in 4 Star Reviews, Fiction, Sci-Fi
4 of 5 Fucked-In-The-Head Stars – Rarity from the Hollow by Robert Eggleton.

This book is fascinating. And then, just when you thought it was going to get even more awesome, it goes full-on derpy derp, and gets stupid as fuck. It pissed me off so much. I don’t know why books fail so often at being awesome throughout. It’s like they just lose their mojo halfway through, and say ‘fuck it’. Or in this author’s case, I’m pretty sure he just got high as balls and just started pulling shit out of his ass.

This book is about a twelve-year-old girl named Lacy Dawn, and her android boyfriend from another planet, aptly named DotCom. I say it’s apt, because DotCom is responsible for all the email spam in the entire universe. And there’s actually a big spammer in the real world named Kim DotCom. So that kind of cracked me up.

Now, I’m not going to keep calling this stupid girl ‘Lacy Dawn’. Because if you tell me your name is ‘Lacy Dawn’, I’m going to call you ‘Lacy’. I mean, that just makes sense to me. Until I’m corrected, anyway. Nobody in this story ever even tries to call this girl ‘Lacy’, and I find that absolutely ridiculous.
Lacy has a very dysfunctional family. Her dad is a stoned-out drunk fucker that is suffering from PTSD from the Gulf war. He beats the ever-loving shit out of his wife and Lacy all the time. You know, for fun. He does it the old-fashioned way, with a switch. Or for them city-folk, a branch from a tree.
Which is fine, because Lacy has actual conversations with trees. Oh, and ghosts. Well, one ghost. Her name is Faith, and she lives in a tree. And she’s a fucking asshole. But she does have good advice for Lacy from time to time.

The two-thousand-year-old DotCom android devises an evil plan to save Lacy’s parents. He’s gonna hack their motherfucking brains, and make them better. Because he’s sick and fucking tired of seeing his little student get beaten by her parents.

You see, he doesn’t even recognize that Lacy thinks he’s her boyfriend. He’s just an android doing a job. Securing Lacy’s employment for a very important mission. To save the world, of course.
And this is where it goes full-on derpy derp. You see, to save the world, Lacy must go shopping in the biggest mall in the universe. No, not to get supplies, or something. That would make sense. No, she needs to go shopping to save the world. Like nobody is better at shopping than Lacy and her new and improved parents.

And yes, Lacy introduced DotCom as her boyfriend, and her parents were of course shocked. That is, until they noticed he was lounging around naked, and he had no cock or balls to speak of. Just smooth as a fucking Barbie doll down there. But not to worry, he learns how to grow some junk later, when he finally accepts Lacy’s love.

But wait, there’s an evil cockroach plot! I mean the goddamn cockroaches are taking over the mall. And they’re taking over Lacy’s dad’s pot farm. Because of course he has a fucking pot farm. Because you would have to be high as fucking balls to write this shit. And the characters are constantly getting high, because apparently, you can’t even participate in this story without being high as balls.
The last third of this book is about DotCom teaching Lacy’s dog to communicate with roaches. So they can figure out what the fuck is going on. What can they do to help the roaches? Get ’em to move the fuck out of the mall, and out of dad’s fucking pot crop. But seriously, if you can train the dog to talk to the roaches, why couldn’t you just train Lacy to do it? Oh because it’s cool to actually have a conversation with a dog. Which pretty much always goes like this: “Gimme bacon!”

So with the help of Lacy’s dog, they negotiate a treaty with the roaches, and find them a new home. Well, it’s not a new home. It’s just the home they left thousands of years ago. But it’s good as new now. So they move in and decide to call it ‘Earth’.

This book really was fucking crazy. None of it made any fucking sense. It was a total cluster-fuck from beginning to end. And I fucking loved it. Because the author’s writing style was absolutely brilliant. He weaved in first person and third person narratives like every other paragraph. And the imagination on this guy… Damn.

GET WASTED! You may want to be high as balls before reading my book. It confuses sober people."
6-13-15

https://ghbooks.wordpress.com/2015/06/13/rarity-from-the-hollow-is-rare-indeed/

http://www.amazon.com/Rarity-Hollow-Robert-Eggleton-ebook/product-reviews/B007JDI508

thanks i was just sitting down for a read... fuck you artistic expression needs no expanation...

Thanks. If you decide to read it, let me (and others) know what you think. Half of author proceeds are donated to prevent child abuse in my home state, West Virginia, where tobacco USED TO BE the cash crop.

I'm lost dude, why would you post areview of your own book that says it gets stupid as fuck?

I posted the link, not the review ???? In any case, if you go to the blog the author reiterates his finding in the comment section that it was a great read, probably because another person had the same question as you, MoMoGrow. Look at the bottom of the review: "And I fucking loved it. Because the author’s writing style was absolutely brilliant. He weaved in first person and third person narratives like every other paragraph. And the imagination on this guy… Damn." This reviewer rated the novel four out of five stars, the best score that he had given to any of his recent book reviews at the time. A five star score is typically reserved by him for an unquestionable masterpiece.

Another reviewer, the former editor of Reader's Digest, found that Rarity from the Hollow was the most enjoyable science fiction that he had read in several years.
http://warriorpatient.com/blog/2015/05/18/58/

Also, the novel just got a 4 of 5 star review from the Tales of the Talisman magazine, another very tough critical reviewer. The magazine is due to be released any day. Check it out.

Besides, it would not be very reputable of me, or any author, if only glowing reviews of a work are shared openly. One person's one star review is another reader's five star masterpiece. Different strokes for different folks -- right? The above review is the first to address the role that marijuana played in the story. The protagonist's team found it being grow on a planet light years away from Earth, and concluded that getting high was a universal phenomena.

My novel totally freaked out one 19 year old and she said that it fit the horror genre. This was a young woman who specialized in reviewing YA novels. She went on as part of her review to say that she still watched Disney movies.

On the other extreme, the writing style was compared to the famous author, Kurt Vonnegut, in another review: http://electricrev.net/2014/08/12/a-universe-on-the-edge/ Personally, I can't think of a higher compliment, especially considering that this review was written by a highly regarded book critic.

I hope that this answered your question. If you would like to see other blurbs about Rarity from the Hollow, visit www.lacydawnadventures.com You will find folks that called it harsh realism, comedy, satire, everyday horror, romance, a biography of a mentally ill child, and even a self-help manual for victims of child maltreatment. It's a basic site that I'll update one of these days, so don't expect anything fancy if you visit. Thanks.

Author proceeds have been donated to Children's Home Society of West Virginia for the prevention of child abuse.

roberteggleton said:

I posted the link, not the review ???? In any case, if you go to the blog the author reiterates his finding in the comment section that it was a great read, probably because another person had the same question as you, MoMoGrow. Look at the bottom of the review: "And I fucking loved it. Because the author’s writing style was absolutely brilliant. He weaved in first person and third person narratives like every other paragraph. And the imagination on this guy… Damn." This reviewer rated the novel four out of five stars, the best score that he had given to any of his recent book reviews at the time. A five star score is typically reserved by him for an unquestionable masterpiece.

Another reviewer, the former editor of Reader's Digest, found that Rarity from the Hollow was the most enjoyable science fiction that he had read in several years.
http://warriorpatient.com/blog/2015/05/18/58/

Also, the novel just got a 4 of 5 star review from the Tales of the Talisman magazine, another very tough critical reviewer. The magazine is due to be released any day. Check it out.

Besides, it would not be very reputable of me, or any author, if only glowing reviews of a work are shared openly. One person's one star review is another reader's five star masterpiece. Different strokes for different folks -- right? The above review is the first to address the role that marijuana played in the story. The protagonist's team found it being grow on a planet light years away from Earth, and concluded that getting high was a universal phenomena.

My novel totally freaked out one 19 year old and she said that it fit the horror genre. This was a young woman who specialized in reviewing YA novels. She went on as part of her review to say that she still watched Disney movies.

On the other extreme, the writing style was compared to the famous author, Kurt Vonnegut, in another review: http://electricrev.net/2014/08/12/a-universe-on-the-edge/ Personally, I can't think of a higher compliment, especially considering that this review was written by a highly regarded book critic.

I hope that this answered your question. If you would like to see other blurbs about Rarity from the Hollow, visit www.lacydawnadventures.com You will find folks that called it harsh realism, comedy, satire, everyday horror, romance, a biography of a mentally ill child, and even a self-help manual for victims of child maltreatment. It's a basic site that I'll update one of these days, so don't expect anything fancy if you visit. Thanks.

Author proceeds have been donated to Children's Home Society of West Virginia for the prevention of child abuse.

Click to expand...

I see.

So is it not available in print? On amazon the print price is crossed off.