So my girlfriend and I broke up. My best friend in the entire world has a problem with my appreciation for marijuana. Its not just that, being with a manic depressive is occassionally challenging and for her, she is not used to seeing someone as generally sad as me. Im not sure why Im posting this, its just that Im a big guy, been weightlifting my whole life and I am unsure what kind of emotions are acceptable for the drunk son of Swedish immigrants.
I went out with my dad and put down far too much for a social sitting. I am all out of pot until tommorrow and basically yearning so bad for interaction that Im posting something very personal to all of you who I am sure do not want to be bumned out by my sob story. I apologize, and again Im not sure I know why Im sharing all this. Possibly because my friends have a limited capacity to understand what depression really is and what a fucking nightmare it is to live with, so I dont talk much about relationship problems.
I just look at this site and see all of you from around the world loving the weed and I feel like for once there are people who have something in common with me, and it comforts my cold, scarred and tired soul.
Anyway listen, I just went drinking with my father, and by tommorrow I will probably be embarrassed that I showed my ass to all of you tonight. I again apologize and hope I am not tommorrows joke. Happy smoking guys, and never date a woman who doesnt understand sadeness.

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Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life
feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life

Man, I've been exactly where you are, Bro. I've suffered extreme physical pain and extreme mental pain ... the mental pain is worse. Happyness is peace of mind.

Depression is nothing more than anger turned inward ... and there are ways to get it out. Not lecturing here, but alcohol and drugs exacerbate the problem of depression. Exercise, especially aerobic exercise burns off the negative chemicals in the brain that causes depression. So ... I would suggest (not that you are asking for suggestions *lol*) that you start getting on the treadmill and build up to four miles in 60 minutes. Do that in addition to the weight training ... and possibly change your diet and you'll find the sun shinning again. Hope this helps ...

Vi

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Liberals are people that will believe anything twice.

this is absolutely tru in my case. growing up i found my self in embarrassing situations quite often (like most kids i guess) but instead of accepting and learning from the experiences, i bottled up the feelings of hate and shame. to further distance myself from my fuck-ups, i directed my hate at the people around me. i rarely showed how i felt, i just floated around with a blank expression on my face. not knowing anybody, including myself. kind of a cliche, ive heard stories like this my whole life, but i refused to consider what i was doing.

a few months ago i randomly started reflecting on some of my childhood. being older, i was able to see how the things i got so upset over were rather insignificant. shit like my step dad treating me like shit for running around nude outside when i was 6. lol

im starting to stray... the worst part of my depression wasnt the fact that i was unhappy. it was the feeling that it would never change. all the time id wake up after a full nights rest and id want to go back to sleep, because being conscious was painful.

now i make a point to accept the positive things in life. before, i kinda ignored the "ups" in hopes of making the "downs" less painful, but after a while i just turned my life to shit. if u want to become happy, ull have to try. having a forced positive mindset wont fix ur head in an instant, but i felt a slight difference after a week or so. little by little ive been feeling better. i get snagged from time to time, maybe a week or so ill forget and start falling back into the old habits, but something good happens every one in a while that bounces me back. im sure thats the best, the gradual change will allow me to reconnect with my surroundings in a more natural way. people would get uncomfortable if i all of a sudden started being happy all the time. i think...

anyway, i dont know u, and i dont know how much of this is anywhere near ur situation, but maybe ull dig this:

dont be that guy. that guy who never found himself. that guy who is constantly preoccupied with the negative inner-monologue within his head. stop victimizing urself by viewing the world in a dark way. start talkin with people instead of talking to them. im sure with enough time ull feel good enough to use dope as a means to having a great time instead of using it to cope. (and ferget that girl u broke up with. chicks love the dark and mysterious type, u can find someone who will dig u the way u are.)

Thanks guys, it really does mean alot to me. I plan on not giving myself any time to really mope about it. This quote "all the time id wake up after a full nights rest and id want to go back to sleep, because being conscious was painful." It couldnt have better summed up how I feel.
But, Im not so bad off because not long ago I had virtually no coping mechanism whatsoever, so Im learning as I get older that suffering is 30% legit, and the rest we usually do to ourselves.
Plus any time Im ever tempted to just end it all, I call myself a pussy for even entertaining those thoughts. Anyway, I have to go to work now and pretend Im alright. Thank you for the kind words guys, and I dont want to leave anyone worrying so I will be just fine.

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Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life
feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life

Hey skynet your a nice guy shit happens to us all that we have to get through, I was deeply depressed after my mum died. then my dad left and went to a foreign country to start a new life and I was left all alone.

My honest opinion is now that everything in life happens for a reason, they are all lessons to teach you something and if you learn from them you will be in a position to be where you want to be in life.

If i go back 4 years I had nothing, now i've got my soulmate of a partner and 2 wonderfull children and all the past relationships and worries have become less significant, sure I still miss my mum but life goes on, things are only as bad as you let them be, if you want to be where you are now that is where you will stay, if you want more from life you have to go get it, it isnt going to come to you only you are going to be able to lift yourself up and from the conversations I have had with you I know that your a decent guy and that once you start to love yourself everything else will follow, you have just got to pick yourself and push yourself forward, it will be hard and the easier option will be to just go back to where you are now but its upto you how happy you want to be.

Make it happen

I wish I had a violin.... my heart strings are fucking tugging guys.

There is nothing in this world more important than being alive. Be thankful for this every time you wake up, because one day you won't. Women come and go, but I know one thing they don't like guys that can't cope with life. Women like confidence, and being a big guy that works out this is what you are advertising. Yet when they get to know you they find out you like to feel sorry for yourself now and again.

It is my belief that if we wanted to we could all suffer with depression. It's very easy to feel sorry for yourself, also very selfish.

It's good that you call yourself a pussy when you feel like that because this is the truth. I will not pander to your self pitying bullshit and tell you it's okay to feel depressed, as it isn't. It makes you a selfish coward.

So in that longwinded slur of pure opinion, exactly what is it you know about depression? and who the fuck are you to be calling me a selfish coward? King fucking Ganja? You want to talk about being selfish, in a thread that you jacked, to shit on a conversation and dish out insults, and Im selfish? lol
Sir I believe you showed your ass today, and for as your opinion of me, I couldnt give a rat's ass. But until you know shit about depression or manners for that matter, why not stick to the king ganja threads and work on that post count K? Oh and as for "Advertising myself" I just like reading a little bit here and there about other member's routines, as it always provides an interesting insight, its called "communication". Ohhhh and for fuck's sake PLEASE do not give me advice on woman, or what they want. I didnt ask anyone for shit, least of all your weak ass ignorant opinion.

PS, lol I even made the title "Dont read, just me bitchin" specifically for individuals such as yourself.

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Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life
feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life

my friends famous quote for your best friend hehe








If you can't handle me at my worse, you can't have me at my best

You wrote this thread in the hope that you'll get people's attention, maybe so they can tell you everything is okay. It seems that it is you that knows very little about depression or you wouldn't allow yourself to suffer it. You didn't ask for shit? You wrote the thread, you expect no reaction?

When I said advertising I was referring to when you work out. This advertises to women that you are a confident man, then they find out that you like listening to sad songs while holding a razor blade...

Feeling sorry for yourself is dangerous, not only for you but other people around you. That's how people kill their own kids (big in my country at the moment).

You have the nerve to feel sorry for yourself and put it in a thread, you should expect a negative response. You were all fine and dandy when people were pandering to your self centered bullshit.

Out of all the advice in this thread, mine is the one you should take heed of. Give yourself a slap in the face and realise your worth. When you realise how much you are worth other people will too.

read the tao teh ching find its small and easy to read makes u feel like its worth the effort to enjoy life can get it at barnes and noble for 10$ or prolly its on the internet for free

(if your into books read the art of happiness it will give u a lot of shit to think about keeps your mind on more important things not silly shit you know)

peace