Lets have your jokes i could do with a good laugh


Mrs brown is in a coma for quite a while with no response at all and the doctor and her husband are in the room.
Mr brown leans over mrs brown and as he does touches her tit by accident.
Ooooh murmered mrs brown. The doctor was amazed as this was the first response she had made since being in the hospital.
The doctor said try again but this time with the other one. Mrs brown oooh'd again.
Amazing said the doctor it seems to be related to sexual contact. The doctor thought for a while and came up with an idea, he suggested that mr brown try oral sex, so the doctor left them alone as its a private matter. He left the room and then a massive crash n bang could be heard, the doctor ran in the room to see what had happened.
Mrs brown was dead, he asked mr brown what happened he said she choked.

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.

The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?!?"
Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhhh, over 55?"
"93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!"
"But if you already knew," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good look at the Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why,... I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob recanted, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?!?"
"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!" replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?!?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!"
Of course the cop asked, "What does an asshole stretcher do?"
Bob explained, " People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole ?" Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!

an attemp to smok'em out lol

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fdd2blk she said she wanted 12 inches, so i gave her 4 three times.
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How do you know that all Tickle Me Elmo dolls are male? They all get two test tickles at the manufacturing plant.

Haha Lad, very funny joke.

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So if you're a fighter
and scrappin' a lot,
You'd best shy away
if you're scrappin' a Scot.
Wi' one fuckin' blow
yer head will be squished,
Then he'll let his scottie dog
lick the blood from his fist...

Whats blue and creamy?
Smurf cum...

geez, look what you made me do!

I got one for ya,

This guy walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll bet you $50 that you can't go around back and make that donkey laugh. The guy saids okay and goes around back and makes that donkey laugh and then comes back and asks for the money.
The bartender hands over the money and says, " I bet you $50 that you can't go back and make the donkey cry. The man gets up and goes and makes the donkey cry and comes back and asks for the money.
The bartender hands over another 50 and asked, " How you do that"?

The guy says, " Well first I went and told the donkey that I had a bigger dick then his and he laughed. Then I went back there again and proved it to him and he cryed."

Thats the best I can do for now.

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i gota ton-o-cop jokes

A cop on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Tell Santa next year to put a taillight on that bike." The kid says, "Nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The cop says, "Yeah." The kid says, "Well, tell Santa next year to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

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fdd2blk she said she wanted 12 inches, so i gave her 4 three times.
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That was good. I like that one.

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Buffalo bill owns a ranch. One day he asks one of his helpers to do him a favour. Theres been a report that a pig has damaged the outer fence and there a chance that all the animals could get loose. So he sends ted up to check it out. He gives him a 4x4 and strict instructions get up to the fence fix it and he gets any problems call him over the radio. So ted goes off and gets to the outer fence. About an hour later Buffalo bill gets a holla from ted. Ted says I've got a small problem, i was driving out and I hit a pig and now its stuck in the bull bars at the front. Buffalo bill says ok, sounds like shes a gonna anyway better get the shotgun out the back and put her out of her misery then just put her in the back of the truck and bring her back after you fixed the fence ok. Ted agrees. 10 minutes later Bill gets another call from ted. Bill I still got trouble I killed the pig like you said n put it in the back but i still cant go anywhere. Bill asks why. Ted says cus the fucking motorcycle is stuck under the wheels

Let me start by saying I love all people, including jewish. (Maybe not priests though)

That said;
A jew and a priest saw a little boy. The priest said "hey lets go fuck that little boy!" The jew said, "ok, out of what?"

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