While drinking and cannabis are fun in general, no amount you use will ever make the pain/feelings/memories go away, they will always be there both while intoxicated and sober. The pain will be pretty strong, but killing yourself is never the answer...would your wife and child want you to do that, would that be honoring their memory? I bet the answer to both is no. You just gotta make it through the tough times and remember that life goes on. I know it's easier said than done, but that doesn't mean that it can't be done. P.S. I know you weren't saying you were currently thinking of doing these things, my response just kind of makes it seem that way.