This one time there was this guy named Ernie, and he had an alright job, where he made a good amount of money for a young bachelor like himself. He was always a little awkward through school and never had a girlfriend, but he was still happy. He kind of looked goofy with his thick nerd glasses, pants pulled up tot he waist like an old man and less like his peers, but his life was going great until this ape started following him to work everyday, and when Ernie was least expecting it and was not looking, the ape would throw a banana peel right in his path.

Though this ape was an ass, he was good at what he did. Ernie fell down at least once a day. He bled a few times, broke a finger once, and even got very embarrassed when he slipped on the same banana peel twice, after getting up he took a step back and fell again. He saw the ape running around waving its arms over its head laughing and whooping. That was the day when he got fed up, and decided he must do something about this.

So Ernie bought a gun. The ape didn't know this but by coincidence the ape gave up on messing with Ernie, and Ernie walked and felt tall knowing that he had a gun, which gave him power, and nobody else knew it, which gave him more power on top of that. Things started looking up for Ernie, and there was a new girl at work who he thought was hot and he started talking with her each day. He quit carrying the handgun, while unbeknownst to him, the ape had taken over the park from humans. Ernie had just assumed the ape had been captured. It took some time but finally he had a date with the girl.

So he decided he would take her to have a picnic in the park. The ape saw Ernie coming and knew he was gonna get it big time. The ape stealthily ran to a tree and went and sat in the top branches. Lucky for the ape, Ernie set up the picnic right below the ape.

So the ape ponder what he can do. Finally it throws its own shit all over Ernie's face and the back of his pants, and all over the food after the girl ran away. Then in the chaos the ape escaped being seen.

So Ernie got cleaned up and as they were leaving, the girl never wanting to speak with Ernie again, Ernie carrying the picnic basket, when next thing Ernie knows he's on the ground, and the girl is too. He looked down and knew he had slipped on a banana peel, so he goes to the girl and finds out when he slipped he knocked her out in the face with the picnic basket. Then the ape starts running around laughing and waving it's arms over it's head. Ernie remembers he quit carrying the handgun, so he throws banana peels t the ape. The ape just starts whooping and making fun of Ernie and the girl is helped by bystanders. She turns out alright, but doesn't want to see Ernie again. She is trying to stop Ernie from what he is doing

So Ernie and the ape are having a battle royale, or just Ernie throwing a whole bunch of banana peels at the ape and it dodges every one of them and doesn't slip on a banana peel once. Bystanders call the police and long story short, Ernie does 5 years and pays $250K for cruelty and endangerment of an endangered species, and the ape goes home with the girl and just fucks the shit out of this her, and that's why you shouldn't be like Ernie.

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Lovin' Mary Jane while I'm Lovin' Mary Jane

you might be stoned when....

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Yeah, ha ha. I wrote this story when I was 16. I actually turned this in to this chill teacher I had as a project in fictional writing. He had said profanity is acceptable if it works with the story. This is an informal way of story-telling, and yes I was unbelievably ripped, and wrote it in a little under ten minutes. I'm 18 now, in University... Just thought I'd share, maybe to give someone a laugh. Ridiculing me makes me a little less than confident that this site is better than the one I was last on.

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Lovin' Mary Jane while I'm Lovin' Mary Jane

Did i miss something or is there bestiality going on at the end?

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Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.-Einstein

Well it's a humorous fictional story. So bestiality is not ok in real life, I agree, but in this story it adds to the humor. There are many ways to improve on this story, but I like it the way it is.

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Lovin' Mary Jane while I'm Lovin' Mary Jane

good story, thats why i use antifreeze and food to take care of unwanted wildlife, Coyotes beware, chicken wings are good, but never that good

Nice, but it wouldn't work in this situation, because how are you going to put antifreeze in a banana? ha ha.

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Lovin' Mary Jane while I'm Lovin' Mary Jane

i disagree.
It's ok as long as its consensual. I am not one to pass judgment. One can't help who or what they are sexually attracted to.

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Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.-Einstein

i have my ways.... that ape would be gone in seconds, and if i cant do it i'll have mike vick do it

no ridiculing here playa, just a little odd to see when you're stoned lol

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