Lets Hear Some JOKES!

Lets hear abunch of great jokes! everyone loves jokes!
ill start

There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

lol

OK, two guys were smoking a blunt and...FUCK!!! I forgot...my bad!!!

Twos toners were trying to hitch hike. After standing for a long time with cars passing them by, one car noticed them and hits the breaks but comes to a halt 10 feet after. The first guy turns to the other and says: "Damn man! he stopped where we wanted to go"

A stoned taxi driver stops to pick up a client, who gets in the car and asks him to drive to the airport and to step on it. 10 minutes later, the client notices that the driver is going in the wrong direction and asks:"are you sure you took the right road?" the driver turns around with horror in his eyes and says:"Who are you?"

Hahahaha niice one

3 girls go to the doctors office the first goes in and come out "ahhh yeah i havin a boy cause i was ontop".. the second girl goes in comes out" im havin a girl cause i was on bottom" the third girl starts crying her eyes out " oh no im havin puppies cause i did it doggy style"..... ha ha ha i love that one i know its old but i love it...

ou ou wanna hear a dirty joke????? ...... ok ok get this... a white horse(lol this is a good one) ok ok... a white horse... fell in a mudd puddle..lol...

i will make an attempt to come up with my own original joke..

ok, two stoners are walking down the street and one of them says "lets BLAAAAAAZE DIS BLUNT!" (oh ya they are wiggers too..) so one of them pulls out a skimpy blunt and a lighter and begins to light it.. but oh fuck.. a cop pulls up and they get so scared that they hide under a car with the blunt still in ones mouth, the cop says "hey boys, i think i know what ur problem is.. some hoodlums must have poured skunk piss in your radiator! but we got him!" and in the backseat is an old crackhead with a dead skunk for a hat!

oh well im not very funny off the top of my head..

fairyweed said:

ou ou wanna hear a dirty joke????? ...... ok ok get this... a white horse(lol this is a good one) ok ok... a white horse... fell in a mudd puddle..lol...

Click to expand...

lol.. dirrrttyyy..

i used this one the other day on a different thread. but here it is again:

why do rednecks do it doggystyle?







so they can both watch nascar.

a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

Toker88 said:

a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

Click to expand...

HAHAHAHA YES!!! that was primo bro primo LOL

Come on guys! keep em comin! We should probably make a poll on the best joke. Here goes another one: two prostitutes riding the lift. One of them says: yuck! smells like sperm. The other says: sorry! I burped.

Toker88 said:

a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

Click to expand...

Good one bro, lol

thechoroid said:

A stoned taxi driver stops to pick up a client, who gets in the car and asks him to drive to the airport and to step on it. 10 minutes later, the client notices that the driver is going in the wrong direction and asks:"are you sure you took the right road?" the driver turns around with horror in his eyes and says:"Who are you?"

Click to expand...

AWESOME! I like this joke. I can see chong turning around after taking some peote and saying something like that.

Heres my attempt at a original joke.

Ok so this salmon traveled on thousand miles up raging currents, rapid rapids, and small water falls. As it pumps through a calm pool it has a sense of releif, reflecting on the journey with a stride of confidence. It than pumps vigoously to get speed to launch up the next waterfall. As it soars it spots its landing stroking back and forth to keep balanced. All of a sudden 2 inch spears Rip through its body popping its organs and squeezing it like a vice. Right after its nuts Burst, its snapped in half.

MisterMicro said:

Heres my attempt at a original joke.

Ok so this salmon traveled on thousand miles up raging currents, rapid rapids, and small water falls. As it pumps through a calm pool it has a sense of releif, reflecting on the journey with a stride of confidence. It than pumps vigoously to get speed to launch up the next waterfall. As it soars it spots its landing stroking back and forth to keep balanced. All of a sudden 2 inch spears Rip through its body popping its organs and squeezing it like a vice. Right after its nuts Burst, its snapped in half.

Click to expand...

LOL did you just make that up i made me laugh cuz i could picture it

I did I was watching a salmon special on the Discovery channel and i when i saw these salmon get chomped by a grizly after traveling so far, i was like now thats a joke!

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room.
"What happened?" they cried.
The husband said, "I guess she choked."