If I'm feeling bored in a relationship...

AchillesLast

AchillesLast

Well-Known Member
Does that mean I should break up?

I often find myself contemplating a single life. It's not that I'm bored and and my girl just doesn't satisfy my looks anymore. I just find myself constantly wishing for the freedom I had when I was single. I get tired of having to call someone and tell them where I am or having stupid fights about staying at her house or my house. However, we have been dating for over 1.5 years and for 8+ months of our relationship it was long distance. After that initial 8 months she moved to my town and goes to my university.

This is where my problem lies. Had she been a local girlfriend from the beginning I don't even think I would be contemplating this question, but I feel I owe her so much because I was basically the reason she moved. She is a great girl and it would probably take awhile to find someone as cool and understanding as her. But she can very needy while I am very independent and those lifestyles often clash as I have no problem being "on my own" sometimes (doing me stuff, practicing guitar, or just decompressing after a long day) while she needs me in her life ALL THE TIME. She can't find anything productive to do when I'm not with her and it get's SUPER ANNOYING.

I promised myself I wouldn't post my problem on these forums but over the last three months I find myself contemplating this issue more and more. I just want to talk about it to someone about it.
 
K

Keenly

Guest
AchillesLast said:
Does that mean I should break up?

I often find myself contemplating a single life. It's not that I'm bored and and my girl just doesn't satisfy my looks anymore. I just find myself constantly wishing for the freedom I had when I was single. I get tired of having to call someone and tell them where I am or having stupid fights about staying at her house or my house. However, we have been dating for over 1.5 years and for 8+ months of our relationship it was long distance. After that initial 8 months she moved to my town and goes to my university.

This is where my problem lies. Had she been a local girlfriend from the beginning I don't even think I would be contemplating this question, but I feel I owe her so much because I was basically the reason she moved. She is a great girl and it would probably take awhile to find someone as cool and understanding as her. But she can very needy while I am very independent and those lifestyles often clash as I have no problem being "on my own" sometimes (doing me stuff, practicing guitar, or just decompressing after a long day) while she needs me in her life ALL THE TIME. She can't find anything productive to do when I'm not with her and it get's SUPER ANNOYING.

I promised myself I wouldn't post my problem on these forums but over the last three months I find myself contemplating this issue more and more. I just want to talk about it to someone about it.
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im kinda in the same boat you are man

my girl is away at college and she is coming back to visit for a month

she wants me to go to san jose with her, i live in sacremento

i dont want to go so i said no and shes got mad at me cause i didnt want to go

guilt tripped me all fucking day til i was finally sick of it and said fine fuck ill go

she wants to hang out EVERY day... every day....i cant fucking do every day

im the kind of person where every day i need at LEAST 3 hours of me time.. sitting smoking a bowl reading roll it up etc

she fucking wants me to go to her house, spend the night, spend the whole next day with her, then come spend the night at my house blah blah blah

i cant be around her for more than 10 hours without smoking but she doesnt like it


anyway enough of my complaining this is your thread... well all i can say to you is put up with the relationship, but start drawing some lines man

tell her you need you time too, and its not that you dont want to hang out with her there is just other things you have to do
 
1kooguy

1kooguy

New Member
Yeh,get yourself to adultfriendfinder,or any other booty call sites.Alot of horny sluts,that want no strings attached.
 
GrowSpecialist

GrowSpecialist

Well-Known Member
The best person for you to talk to about it is HER. You might be surprised at how much you can improve things when you bring it up to her and tell her what you've told us.

You say she's a good girl and would be hard to replace... so don't fuck it up. Most single people I know are jealous of me and other people who have found a good girlfriend/boyfriend.

Most single people are searching for that. You already have it. Try to hold onto it by working at resolving your issues.
 
L

longbaugh

Active Member
You need to work out what you really need. When you feel angry or depressed, that's an alarm bell saying that something you need isn't being taken care of.

GrowSpecialist said:
The best person for you to talk to about it is HER. You might be surprised at how much you can improve things when you bring it up to her and tell her what you've told us.
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You'd be surprised at how much a conversation about this will go. Don't do it while you're angry, though. Just one time when you're chatting or whatever say, 'you know, sometimes I feel like this when blah'. It takes some skill and practice to communicate like that so you might want to preface it with "i'm going to try something here and I'm not sure how it'll go." But being straight is the best thing you can do.

AchillesLast said:
She is a great girl and it would probably take awhile to find someone as cool and understanding as her.
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They are few and far between, that's for sure. My partner is pretty needy, too, and, like you, I'm the kind that needs space and quiet to 'recharge'. Once I started taking care of myself like that, and talking to her about it, she realized that it was in her best interest to back off sometimes.

I'm not an expert i'm just saying it worked for me. You should at least tell her. She's probably wondering what's going on.
 
Dirtyboy

Dirtyboy

Well-Known Member
Relationships are based on need. You and your friends have a relationship. You need them for conversation or to go out or what ever. You dnt know anyone that you dnt need.

Do you need her? Can you get what you need from her else where?
 
Stoney McFried

Stoney McFried

Well-Known Member
Seiously, you owe it to her to not fuck her around.If you want out, say so.It will hurt her far less than finding out you're getting ass on the side.:peace:
AchillesLast said:
Does that mean I should break up?

I often find myself contemplating a single life. It's not that I'm bored and and my girl just doesn't satisfy my looks anymore. I just find myself constantly wishing for the freedom I had when I was single. I get tired of having to call someone and tell them where I am or having stupid fights about staying at her house or my house. However, we have been dating for over 1.5 years and for 8+ months of our relationship it was long distance. After that initial 8 months she moved to my town and goes to my university.

This is where my problem lies. Had she been a local girlfriend from the beginning I don't even think I would be contemplating this question, but I feel I owe her so much because I was basically the reason she moved. She is a great girl and it would probably take awhile to find someone as cool and understanding as her. But she can very needy while I am very independent and those lifestyles often clash as I have no problem being "on my own" sometimes (doing me stuff, practicing guitar, or just decompressing after a long day) while she needs me in her life ALL THE TIME. She can't find anything productive to do when I'm not with her and it get's SUPER ANNOYING.

I promised myself I wouldn't post my problem on these forums but over the last three months I find myself contemplating this issue more and more. I just want to talk about it to someone about it.
Click to expand...
I hear ya there.Everyone needs alone time.If you have told her this, and have tried to compromise, and she still wants more and more from you...if you're unwilling to give her that, let her go.Because this will be a bone of contention between you two as time goes on.:bigjoint::bigjoint:
Keenly said:
im kinda in the same boat you are man

my girl is away at college and she is coming back to visit for a month

she wants me to go to san jose with her, i live in sacremento

i dont want to go so i said no and shes got mad at me cause i didnt want to go

guilt tripped me all fucking day til i was finally sick of it and said fine fuck ill go

she wants to hang out EVERY day... every day....i cant fucking do every day

im the kind of person where every day i need at LEAST 3 hours of me time.. sitting smoking a bowl reading roll it up etc

she fucking wants me to go to her house, spend the night, spend the whole next day with her, then come spend the night at my house blah blah blah

i cant be around her for more than 10 hours without smoking but she doesnt like it


anyway enough of my complaining this is your thread... well all i can say to you is put up with the relationship, but start drawing some lines man

tell her you need you time too, and its not that you dont want to hang out with her there is just other things you have to do
Click to expand...
 
AchillesLast

AchillesLast

Well-Known Member
Hey guys I just wanted to say thanks for the positive inputs. It really gave me some things to think about that I think went in a really productive direction. We had a pretty good talk and really good time hanging out last night and it was just nice to remember why we were dating and stuff.

Dirtyboy, you're right. I do need her because I cannot get what she does for me from someone else.

I think I often come to this thought process because commitment is a friggen scary thing. Like I said, weve been dating for over 1.5 years and I feel at that point both people should have a pretty good idea if the relationship has potential to last. Like Stoney said, if you want out it's best to just get it over with it. Which is why after 1.5 years you should probably know if you want out or not. I don't want out, and if I don't want out, then that means I'm in and that means commitment for a long time. I think for my 20 year old mind, that is just a hard pill to swallow right now. I don't want to think about getting married but at the same time, if you've found a potential candidate so early in the dating game you can't just run away right?

Thanks for the support guys. RIUppers are winners in my book ;)
 
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