Best Joke to Tell High?

racerboy71 said:

i just got the honda one.. had to read it a few times though.. absence.. absess.. absence makes the heart grow founder.. makes the fart go honda.. pretty lame, but atleast i got it, lol.

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thanks. I would have never gotten that, I don't get lame jokes, lol

Dr. Greenhorn said:

thanks. I would have never gotten that, I don't get lame jokes, lol

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lol.. that's why i was shocked that i got it... i had to read it aloud a few times, and somehow it just dawned on me..

racerboy71 said:

the honda joke? i must have missed that one, got to go back and look now.. i was impressed that i actually figured out the how to put a condom on an elephant joke..

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glad you got the condom one lol...a lot dont

racerboy71 said:

i just got the honda one.. had to read it a few times though.. absence.. absess.. absence makes the heart grow founder.. makes the fart go honda.. pretty lame, but atleast i got it, lol.

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That's one where you punch the person in the arm for telling it, but your still laughing. Again, better high. Also just saying HONDA really loud when describing a fart makes people laugh

Q: A lesbian couple and a gay couple are both racing to the airport to catch a flight. Who arrives at the airport first?

A: The lesbians... They were doing 69 the whole way while the guys ware still packing their shit.

q.. what do you call the worthless skin around a vagina??

a.... a woman...

HA HA.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Kick her and tell her to keep scrubbing

i still dont get the condom and elephant joke.....
maybe after i hit my bowl..................................
nope still dont get it

so a blonde walks in to a bar......

groovedaddy said:

a Possum is up in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks by and asks to join him. After a few puffs the lizard gets cotton mouth and tells the possum he is going to get a drink of water. As he leans over the bank of the river to drink he falls in and is rescued by an alligator. The alligator asks the lizard why he is so clumsy today and the lizard tells him that he has been smokin out with that hippy possum in the tree back there. The alligator could use a buzz so he goes to investigate. As he approaches the tree the possum yells down "Damn you was thirsty!"

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haha just got it

Please no one take this joke seriousely or offensive but its fuckin halarious. My younger brother is with a dark dark girl whom he cant supply financially so, he bugs mom for money everyday and runs off with my car to see his gf who is not the normal black girl she is blacker than a crayon. My younger brother is asian but dark as hell too. I made an inside joke on him, i ask him so you like that purple koooooooosh? hes like yup lol what he does not know is purple kush is an inside joke for his gf purple pussy lol! Everyone dies when i tell than that inside joke and till this day he dosent know wat purple kush means lol. Even funnier my mom sometimes says purple kush when shes mad that he need to ask for money lol

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you fuck wit!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?

Downey said:

Q:how do you get a condom on an elephant?

hint: you take the "T" out of the, and the "F" out of way

the answer is in your answer
ask a friend if you havent figured out the answer

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Took me two days but i finally got it i feel stupid.

a guy walks in to a rough bar with his head all hanging lopsided, he asks the barman for a "vodka and coke", the barman switly pours it and puts it on the bar, the stranger then says "hey make it a double", so the barman adds some more to the glass and places it on the bar, the guy says "what the hell make it a treble" so the barman tops it up again and places it on the bar and says "that will be 5 bucks", just then the stranger grabs it and downs the lot fast, he burps and looks up from his lopsided head and says "i dont got any money", the barman replys, "if you did that down at the stags head bar they would break your fucking neck" the guy replies " i know", "ive just been there".

a guy breaks in to a house, and while hes creeping through the lounge, he hears a voice, "jesus is watching you", so he gets a bit scared and freezes on the spot, he waits a while and starts creeping again, he hears the voice even louder "jesus is watching you" , he freezes again, he waits ages then starts to creep again, he hears the voice shouting " jesus is watching you" he peers in to a corner and spots a parrot cage, he strolls over and says "hey stop shouting", the parrot trembles and says "ok sorry".. "whats your name" asks the burglar, judas says the parrot, the burgler laughs out loud, and says, " what stupid bastard called you a name like judas" the parrot says and points in the other corner " the same stupid bastard that called that rottweiler jesus".

i was in a disco bar alone once on holiday and near the end of the night i thought i better go back to the hotel, i started to walk and thought if i cross that field it will be a shortcut so i climbed the fence, as i walked i nearly fell in to a massive deep hole about 50 feet across, it was huge so i picked up a stone and dropped it in and listened for a noise, i heard nothing so i looked around and saw this old white ceramic bath/sink thing from an old house the farmer uses it to give his animals water, it was heavy as hell and i dragged it over to the hole, i pushed it in and i heard this loud scampering noise behind me so i turned around fast, there was a goat running right at me with its head down in the butting position and i jumped out the way and it went straight down the big hole, i heard a huge splash, then another huge splash, so i ran like hell, i got to this gate and there was a farmer standing behind it, he said, " you not seen goat around these parts ave you" i said no sorry, he said " never mind, it wont get far, its tied to an old bath", i replied, "no i dont suppose it will".

i found an old cellar under my house and when i excavated it to build a secret grow room and then opened it up i found a skeleton, so i called the police, when the police came they taped off my house and started a murder enquiry, there was a short tv appeal for any missing persons, and it was about 2 weeks later that the police found out who it was, it was the 1982 northern ireland hide and seek champion.

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".