All your shitty jokes

Big_Lou

Big_Lou

Well-Known Member
Huckster79 said:
Ill tell you what is no joke. When ur feeling really horny and naughty and you go in to toss your girls salad and getba whiff of poo!
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iHearAll said:
that happened to me during a one night stand. i went to a rave like a basic bro and brought this chick home whose ass stank so much i had to stop rethink my life. then i went single for a few years and got a college degree. one wiff of a redhead's poopy butthole and i was a changed man.
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tangerinegreen555

tangerinegreen555

Well-Known Member
Guy walks into an empty bar a half before closing, orders a drink.

Bartender serves him, guy sIams it down, says he has to go.

Bartender says, 'stick around, I have to clean up and I want someone to BS with. I'll give you a drink on the house.'

Guy says he might have to go to the bathroom.

Bartender says we have a bathroom here, no problem.

Guy says, I don't know, I take salts and don't want to make a mess.

Bartender says, 'I'm cleaning up anyway, you can't make that much of a mess.'

Guy says OK then, I'll have another drink.

Bartender serves him, begins cleaning up and BSing with the guy.

Guy interrupts, says he has to use bathroom and goes in through the door. Then, there are loud noises and banging in there, glass breaking, metal dent noises, etc.

Bartender runs in, finds guy wiping up with shit everywhere. Walls, ceiling, light fixtures, urinal, dripping off rubber machine, everywhere.

Bartender asks, 'what the fuck kind of salts do you fucking take?'

Guy says, 'somersaults'.
 
Big_Lou

Big_Lou

Well-Known Member
tangerinegreen555 said:
Guy walks into an empty bar a half before closing, orders a drink.

Bartender serves him, guy sIams it down, says he has to go.

Bartender says, 'stick around, I have to clean up and I want someone to BS with. I'll give you a drink on the house.'

Guy says he might have to go to the bathroom.

Bartender says we have a bathroom here, no problem.

Guy says, I don't know, I take salts and don't want to make a mess.

Bartender says, 'I'm cleaning up anyway, you can't make that much of a mess.'

Guy says OK then, I'll have another drink.

Bartender serves him, begins cleaning up and BSing with the guy.

Guy interrupts, says he has to use bathroom and goes in through the door. Then, there are loud noises and banging in there, glass breaking, metal dent noises, etc.

Bartender runs in, finds guy wiping up with shit everywhere. Walls, ceiling, light fixtures, urinal, dripping off rubber machine, everywhere.

Bartender asks, 'what the fuck kind of salts do you fucking take?'

Guy says, 'somersaults'.
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greasemonkeymann

greasemonkeymann

Well-Known Member
tangerinegreen555 said:
Guy walks into an empty bar a half before closing, orders a drink.

Bartender serves him, guy sIams it down, says he has to go.

Bartender says, 'stick around, I have to clean up and I want someone to BS with. I'll give you a drink on the house.'

Guy says he might have to go to the bathroom.

Bartender says we have a bathroom here, no problem.

Guy says, I don't know, I take salts and don't want to make a mess.

Bartender says, 'I'm cleaning up anyway, you can't make that much of a mess.'

Guy says OK then, I'll have another drink.

Bartender serves him, begins cleaning up and BSing with the guy.

Guy interrupts, says he has to use bathroom and goes in through the door. Then, there are loud noises and banging in there, glass breaking, metal dent noises, etc.

Bartender runs in, finds guy wiping up with shit everywhere. Walls, ceiling, light fixtures, urinal, dripping off rubber machine, everywhere.

Bartender asks, 'what the fuck kind of salts do you fucking take?'

Guy says, 'somersaults'.
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ah-hah!
I see your bar-joke and raise you.
uhem..

Young man walks into a bar says

"I'd like a shot of your best whiskey"

barkeep- "Ah, well son, what's the occasion?"

young man- "Well, just had my first blowjob"

barkeep - "wellllll shit, lets make it a double, on the house!"

young man- "umm no thank you, if I can't get the taste out with one shot, I don't need two"
 
Bareback

Bareback

Well-Known Member
I have a B tattoo on each butt cheek , when I bend over it spells bOb.


I have a w tattoo on each butt cheek when I bend over it spells MoM ........ ohh wait I need to roll over lol

OK now it spells WoW :wink:
 
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whitebb2727

whitebb2727

Well-Known Member
This guy wakes up in heaven. He is looking around confused. He then sees god. God ask the man how he is doing and if the man needs anything.

The man replied that he was hungry and god snapped and the mans favorite food appeared and the man ate it.

God ask the man if he is satisfied. The man replied that he was horny. God asked him what type of woman he wanted. Man replied he wanted a red head. Red head appears and the man takes her behind a cloud and has sex with her.

The man comes back and god ask if the man is satisfied. The man replied he was still horny. God asked him what type of woman he wanted. Man replies a brunette and one appears. The man takes here behind a cloud and has sex with her.

God asked if the man was satisfied. Man says no and god ask what type of woman he wants. The man says he wants an ebony beauty. She appears and the man take her behind the cloud.

God ask the man if he is satisfied. Man says yes but the he needs to take a dump. God tells man to go behind a cloud and take a dump. The man does and then tells god he needs some tp to wipe. God tells him to rip a chunk of cloud off and wipe. The man does.

About that time the man is brought out of his sleep bein beat and hit on with his wife screaming "What the fuck is wrong with you? You fucked me three times, shit the bed and now you are tearing up the pillows."
 
Singlemalt

Singlemalt

Well-Known Member
College girl goes to Dr with a severe itching/rash on her chest. He exams her and notes the rash is a distinct "M", he tells her it's a contact allergy and asks about the "M", they talk and she says her boyfriend never takes of his U of Michigan sweater when they have sex. Prescribes some meds and tells her to ask BF to take of sweater. She comes back a few months later, same symptoms, new boyfriend, U of Missouri. Same treatment. The girl is stunning, unforgettable looking; she comes back 2 yrs later, Dr recognizes her asks how she is doing. She takes of her blouse and Doc sees another "M", Doc says "Let me guess, U of Minnesota, she says no, Wellesley
 
whitebb2727

whitebb2727

Well-Known Member
A guy goes into a bar and sits on a stool. He looks over and this big woman is sitting next to him. He gets about half drunk and looks over. "Damn! You are huge!"

Woman picks him up and knocks the hell out of him. He says sorry.

He drinks a few more and looks over. "Damn! You are a big woman."

Woman picks him up and knocks the hell out of him, man says sorry.

He is sitting there and drinks a few more. He looks over and says "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

Woman says its ok. "It would be better if my titties were bigger. It would balance my figure out."

The man sits and ponders for a minute. "Rub some toilette paper between your titties."

The woman ask how that is supposed to help.

The man "It worked on your ass!."
 
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