A little old lady answers a knock at her door to be met by a traveling vacuum salesman.

Before she even has a chance to speak the mans tips a bucket full of dog shit all over her carpet and explains :

"Madam if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of that dog shit from your carpet, I will eat whats left."

"Well", the little old lady says, " I hope your fucking hungry cos the bastards cut my power this morning"

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

Thats pretty good

Come here, come here, there's more


I saw a scarecrow having a wank in the field the other day


I thought impossible, hes clutching at straws.

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

Mick is in court for a double murder.

Judge says "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer"

Man at the back of the court yells out "Bastard"

Room goes silent, Judge continues "your also charged with beating your wifes lover to death with a hammer"

Again man at the back of the court yells out "You total Bastard"

The judge has had enough, looks at the man and says "Sir, I can understand your anger at this crime but I will have no more outbursts. If you have anything to say, say it now."

Man gets up and says " For 15 years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a bloody hammer, he said he didn't have one."

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

hahahahha nice, more please more

When I was a kid my Mam would send me to the shops with 50 pence (cents for the Americans)

I could get a chicken, 2 pints of milk, a comic book, 6 eggs and a pair of jeans.

You cant get all that these days........



Fucking CCTV !!!!

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

commeyy lolllz

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whats that ..... idk... it looks like...... BUDAHHHH !!! any thing i say on here is a lie and i do not grow anyillegal plants i just do this stuff to look cool, and i have never done anything illegal

A woman is taking a golf lesson

She had started her 1st round when she was stung by a bee.

She went back into the clubhouse for some help.

Her golf pro asked why she was back so early.

She told him of the bee sting "Where did it sting you?" He asked

"Between the first and second hole." She said.

He nodded and said "Then your feet are to far apart."

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

Please remember in the winter when the poor little birdies are finding food scarce.

Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.

There is no finer sight on a winters morning than a pair of tits around your nut bag........

....... but remember its a bit early in the year for a swallow!

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)

Builder on a 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him.

He shouts down to his mate but he cant hear him.

So he does sign language.

He points to his eye (I) his knee (need) and moves his hand back and forth in a saw motion.

His mate nods, pulls down his pants and starts masturbating.

Furious, the builder runs downstairs. "What the hell are you doing. I said I need my saw."

"I know" says his mate "I was just letting you know I was cuming"

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"Dope will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no dope" (Freewheeling Franklin)