"God is like Santa Clause: He exists if you believe in him, but you get your presents either way."

~Props to...some dude on another thread for the inspirations (He said "God is Santa Clause" i do believe...) if anybody knows who it was, or if it was you, let it be known. ..Credit given where due..

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Don't let anyone tell you what you should do. Things are always simpler, and yet more complicated than they seem.

In the Grocerey store check out.....the check out guys name tag said hi name was Bob
The bagger's name was Neil

Look over at my friend, "Neil and Bob, is that their names or is that what they do?

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Pencaps Journal
It's hard to kidnap Fat People!

"hey dude, i can't stop smiling!"

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whats it smell like? Smells like Crizzab to me.

here's one: "IM SOO FUCKING BAKED!"

My fav. "Fuck man I left that bowl in my lap again".... the faint sound of cracking glass on tile,concrete, or asphalt.

2 stoned girls at a coffee shop
first girl says: boutique has a silent q in it right?
second girl: yah just like the word target
first girl: whaa?

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"im higher than giraffe pussy" hahaha one of my buddys says this everytime he gets high its hilarious

We're sitting on my friends porch passing the bong around and no one has said anything for awhile because we're all real baked. My friend completely randomly goes, "you know, I guess you do seem to find alot of things on the ground."

At the McDonalds drive through we're trying to order food but we're all so stoned that no one can get anything ordered. We finally get up to the window and they start asking us normal questions like do you want sauce with that but everyone is just like "huh?" One of my friends yells, "They're trying to confuse us! And it's working! RUN!" and the guy driving just speeds off.

Driving to my friends apartment, seems like its taking forever because we're baked. I say, "this drive takes forever" and the same kid as the first one goes, "it's ok, im used to having people take me on journeys."

me and my boyfriend were sat eating a bag of chips wasted and they were none too good and he looked at me with disgust and said these are like eating a poke of yodas
(a poke is scottish for bag)
i laughed so much i spat yodas everywhere

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i only wake up to see if my luck has changed

"Then Get me an avocado an icepick and my snorkel. Trust me bro, Ive made bongs with less."

Famous half baked quote lol Im sure every1 on this site knows that quote by heart.