So it looks like my marriage of 2 years might be at its end. My wife has never really been happy through out our marriage and I always chalked it up to her life situation (lots of family problems on her end and going to a job she hated.)

Well the other night I finally got it out of her that she just doesn't feel a "spark" anymore. In my my that means she isn't attracted to me and in the 3 BIG talks we have had about this (each narrowly avoiding her leaving) she has said that she thinks we both deserve happiness (which means she isn't happy to me.)

In the past 2 years I have been super husband. I would work 40 hours, come home, get the yard looking nice, come in, cook, clean and then try everything under the sun to satisfy her in bed. About the only thing she has done is laundry (only because I am a man and "dry clean only" means toss that some bitch in with my jeans) and watch TV.

So every time we talk about separation we end up not going through with it because we both really do love each other. She says she can't live without me and that if something does happens, she wants to stay friends (again, all of the problems are on her side, not mine so I really don't see being friend with a woman I want nothing more than to start a family with.)

Anyways she has said that we should take it "one day at a time" meaning not talk about it any more and act like all is well. While I know she is a great person and would never hurt me on purpose the last talk we had about separation she realized that she would be royally fucked without my income. She is going to school right now on a loan from my parents (which they would still extend to her and she would still pay back) and she just quit her job. Also the only asset we have right now is her car which she couldn't afford the payment on even moving back in with her mom.

Being the love sick puppy that I am I would almost rather keep this life up till she gets out of school just so one of us can have a dream and I can have a few more months of quasi happiness. That being said I have been drinking all day and realizing just how much income I would have and just how sweet I could fix up my house.

Also I have this horrible feeling like I am a guy who cheated on his wife and I need to do everything I can to make her come back but in the back of my mind I know that no matter what I do it won't help because this is an emotional thing with her.

Another thing to take into account is that she never really had a social life. We dated all through high school and then got married when she got out, so she has never been on her on. Looking back on it now it would have been smart to get married right now and given her some space to be independent.

At this point I am ready to kick her out for the simple fact that we are living like nothing is going on but I really think within the next few weeks she will come home and tell me she is leaving and that is killing me. I mean I feel like a guy with a gun to his head knowing its going to go off but no idea when. I don't know if its worth pulling the trigger right now and taking all the pain or doing counseling and trying to work it out.

Also she has an Rx for and anti-depressant that she hasn't been taking and IMHO she has some pretty big mental issues stemming from her father's verbal and mental abuse.

damn man im sorry.
shitty situation. sounds like she has a lot of issues and things to deal with and think about.
she might need to get out of the house some and interact with others in a social scene.
push through man, best of luck

I am to the point where, ya it would hurt to see her go but I can talk straight about who gets what (where she is crying her eyes out about it the whole time.) I mean as corny as it sounds I really do want whats best for her. I have no problems giving her money so she can finish school simply because I know its her dream and I want her to have it.

Love is about a fucked up thing. I am going to sit in my back yard tonight and get shitty drunk in my hammock she bought me for my birthday and think about it tonight.

you never do know what will happen in the future.
maybe she leaves...maybe she doesnt
maybe she comes back...maybe you move on
best thing to do is talk and try to figure out what needs to change. and maybe that change doesnt have shit to do with you. but the relationship will struggle until changes are made.
all you can do is be supportive and let her know that this isnt what you want and you are willing to work through this with her.
if she still goes...then you will have to reexamine who you are and what you need.
if she can get on the same page as you thats great, if not...enjoy some personal time and reconnect with you

My advice is don't ask advice for marital issues on a marijuana growing forum. We're good for support through this but I doubt any of us are licensed psychologists... Seek marriage counseling if you want things to work or just see where things go I guess.

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Marrige counseling is worthless,one thing im sure of is this,if a woman is not happy with you no matter what you do you'll never get her love back.

I noticed two things in your explaination,the 1st being how hard you try to please her,the 2nd being that she dont feel the spark for you anymore,could it be that you've changed,at her bequest ?

Many women are attracted to the bad boy types,then once they get them they try to change them,once the man changes into what they wanted the attraction isnt there anymore,something im 100% sure of from experience is that the harder you try to save the relationship the more she will want out.

Not having a social life or other issues are a cop out for teenagers,the whole issue of not having a social life boils down to this " i did not get to sleep with enough exciting people" or " i have not been with enough people to make me feel good about myself ",this goes for man or woman,its a cop out.

Marriage is about compromise,its about familiarity,its about not needing to feel excitement 24/7,its about being happy for the little things people do, not the spark or exciting shit,its about being able to put up with the shit your mate does that you hate,excitement & spark are a very small part of any sucessfull marriage,ask anybody who's been married for decades & they will tell you this.

My advice is this,start planning the break up & stick with the plans,divide what needs to be divided then make plans for one of you to leave,dont let it turn into a situation where your at fault because you dont understand how she feels,if your being a good husband then thats where your responsibility ends,either she grows up & wakes up to realize what she has right now or she needs to move on fast & you should help her do so.

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oof man, ive been married one year now and have similar problems, but the other way around. its hard to say give up on love. does she smoke too? or roll? when me and my wife were havin problems we took a weekend together and rolled together, and let me tell you it really ironed things out. its amazing trully being able to open up to eachother. it might sound wierd, but man, its a drug that is made for these kinds of things

i cant believe this guys plea for help is being ignored! poor guy. obviously hes on his last leg and needs help. damn. shame on RIU seriously

Man I am sorry to hear this..

I have to say though, I couldn't in good conscious tell you to just break it off now. A marriage is something a little more important than a gf/bf situation. Marriages are fortified by a reconnection and simpler deeper understanding of each other, this situation may break you too, but it may also may be a relationship bump that betters your relationship in the long run. It seems more people are inclined to try and fix marriages- esp. when you have to PAY to get out.. If you were to break it off early- you'll always wonder, what if..

I think too many people expect marriage to feel as if 'the first day you met' for the rest of your life.. from the marriages I've seen work, it's never been the butterfly feelings that make great relationships- it's the connection, and it's how well you know the other person.. Do something to show her that you know her, the things most people don't know- I suggest talking to her about it- just lay your cards on the table like you did here. Tell her what you're afraid is happening, tell her what you want, let her know that you are not pressuring her- you just need to know for the sake of both of you. If she need time to think, give her time- but talk about an amount of time, an indefinite waiting period isn't healthy for either of you. If she wants a divorce, then end it then- make her leave immediately, she may regret or realize she acted rashly and run back when faced with the reality of her choice.. thinking about being without someone is VERY different from the actual response when it's happening. (If this were to happen it would be good to get that out of the way before money is spent on lawyers..hence why if things are over, end them immediately) You had mentioned you intended to start a family with your wife- let her know this... Honesty will make these types of situations as easy as possible (when situations are far away from easy..)

know what im sayin?