oh my god.
you're lucky that your dick didn't get bitten off.
oh my god.
That sucks!

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holy.junk.

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Hey Panda....reminds me of the guy who was a virgin and went to a hooker looking for experience prior to his wedding night. She offered him 69 (which he had no knowledge of) and proceeded to get in the position. After a while the hooker had to fart. She looked down and noticed he didn't flinch. To which she asked" are you OK down there?" His answer was...."Yeah, but I don't know if I can handle 68 more of those".

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Anything I say here is purely fictional. I do not use, or condone the use of illegal substances.

i've never had a really embarrasing moment during sex, except if you count WHO i was in bed with. when i was a younger man it was about quantity, not quality.

but once i was getting heavy, clothes-on action that progressed into half clothes-off, just stick it inside sex. i guess she forgot she was wearing a tampon and we got that thing stuck so far up her she couldn't get it out when we realized. I didn't even feel it but it took me about 5 mins of fishing with claw fingers in a TIGHT space before I pulled the thing out.

good thing it wasn't messy.

One time, my bf and i were getting into some forepay. he decided it was a good idea to soak strawberries in vodka and sugar, put them in the freezer and feed me frozen strawberries that hardly even tasted like liquer!!! sneaky. anyways, i was getting drunk kinda fast becuase these things must have measured out to a shot each. he got really hard heally fast, which always turns me on, and i went to pull him out. i was about 5 minutes into sucking when i felt like i was gonna throw up. i pulled my lips off... and burped super loud! i blushed so hard. he just laughed when he looked down and saw me stairing back, covering my mouth, beet-red and shocked at myself. 2 years later he still thinks it was one of the cuitest things ive ever done.

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May there be peace within you this day...
may you trust you highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be...
may you never forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith and forgivness...
may you use those gifts that you have recieved and pass on the love that has been given to you...
and may you trust and be content knowing you are a child of the earth and all the boudless powers that be...
Love and Peace Always
Blessed be

So this one at band camp......NOT.

It took me a long time to decide to try giving a blow job. Finally I gave one and he went pee in my mouth so I spit it in his face and never looked back at him. Years later, after being tramatized from the first one, I tried again, and he liked it and he pees in toilets.

OMG LMAO thats some funny shit

i guess the wrost thing ever happen to me is trying to stop my drunk b4 from giving me head while i was on my peroid..he still fuck me that night i was so grossed out first he had a condom on then he took it off and kept going, pulled his dick out and ewww it was covered in cum and blood then went right back to fucking

i know now to hide from him when its that time

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you like that dont cha bitch?

:c lap:

welll about a yr ago....this isnt nasty... just kinda funny/wierd...

I might the girl im with now .. and i wored with her and girl named haether .. and who ..

They both wanted to come over and play beer pong with us .. se we wer like suuure no problem .. so they come over after work .. but we didnt pla beer pong instead (me and my buddies rented a house) .. we three go up to my bedroom .. which the door doesnt lock ... (i wished to god it had still .. but that my lil secret) ... so they are pretty much light wieghts .. we get to drinking or what not... im makin screwdrivers for us .. ti start playing my guitar and just fukina round .. then next thing i kno im leaning against the wall making out with heather .. and my now g/f was just lookin at me saotarts going at it .. then silly me i was like "u kno what wud be hott .. is if u 2 kissed" spo they lookied at eachother an dfukin started going at it hardcore man i was like YEAAA then next thing i remember is us in our underwear and still just kissing and rbbign and sucking and bitting and the take their panties off and i took my boxers off and my now g/f was sucking my dick and i was makin out heather .. then they switched .. this goes on for like 15mins then both ofme were like .. Jake(shudnt my name but w/e) fuk us i was liek SCORE haha then my fucking stupid ass roommates come in with a video camera recording it all ...my g/f never lives this one down .... buttt butt like the next day at work everyone was like dude u had a threesome and i was like no i didnt .. i wish but no i didnt .. today i still tell my g/f that i wud have only fuked her .. but i wuda fuked both of them hahah thats for fukin sure !!!

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Its SummeR TimE GeT YouR GroW ON!

I fucked a fat girl and stunk the whole house up. Sex to me has a pleasant smell but not this one. Not with a girl whose pussy ate my fist.

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Octafunk is a poser. He knows nothing about smoking, growing, or consuming marijuana. He's only here for entertainment purposes only.