UncleReemis
Well-Known Member
UncleReemis Guide on Stealth Smoking
If you're looking for tips to keep your smoke secret, look no further. Within this guide on stealth smoking are several methods, tricks and tips to avoid nosey neighbors, roommates, parents, da law, and etcetera. This may seem like common sense to many of you, and some of it is, but Ive learned many things through experience that would have saved me some trouble if I had known before.
If youre trying to stealth smoke and you get caught, life can get assy real fast. Not to mention, the paranoia you may or may not have of being caught with your pipe hangin out can freak you out (see figure 1 below for a very detailed diagram).
Figure 1
Lets Start with the Rules:
How to Deal with the Smoke
Obviously marijuana has a very pungent aroma, therefore it is always important to manage the smell of the stuff on you and around you. Here are some tips to cover up that aroma:
Smoking at Home
The best place to smoke at home is either outside, in your car, or in the bathroom. If youre living in an apartment complex or dorm, this may become tricky. The reason why the bathroom is one of the best places to smoke is because of the exhaust fan and the shower. Also, it is most likely to be a smaller room, therefore allowing the probably no more than 100 CFM exhaust fan to extract the volume of the room at a somewhat decent rate. If the fan is pulling air out faster than it can come in, the contaminated air will not bleed through the cracks of the door and into the other room because a suction INTO the bathroom through those cracks will be formed to compensate for the fans extraction. In other words, the fan is displacing the air faster than the nooks and crannies in the room can replace it, causing two suction points (fan and cracks) in order to reach equilibrium. ANYWAY you can also turn on a hot shower and let the steam help neutralize the smoke. It also helps if you take that bottle of crappy shampoo that you never use and put a few gobs in the tub so the water and steam can activate the aroma for a constant freshening approach.
If you plan on smoking outside, use common sense. You never know when your nosey ass neighbor is gawking at you through her window while petting Mr. Fuzzums and plotting your stoner-related demise. It is best to smoke at night and in unexposed areas like your backyard, woods, garage, whatever. These same rules apply to smoking in your car and if you do smoke in your car, let that thing air out! I know I said that weed smoke smell diminishes quickly but if it has no place to go, it wont necessarily go away. If anything, it will settle on your upholstery. I recommend keeping a can of Febreeze in your vehicle.
Smoking Outside of the Home
If youre smoking on the road, which I dont necessarily condone even though I do it on a daily basis, you might want to consider investing in getting your windows tinted for obvious reasons. It is advisable to park and spark rather than drive and spark. If you do decide to park somewhere, make sure you pick the place wisely. Dont park somewhere where you can be easily seen and dont park on someone elses property unless given permission! Marijuana is still illegal in most places and if you get caught by the wrong person, you can be looking at some hefty fines depending on the circumstances. I also recommend investing in a radar detector to avoid any circumstance where you could get pulled over. If you do happen to get pulled over, it is important to know your rights. If you are a citizen of the U.S., you are protected under the fourth amendment against unlawful search and seizures. You do NOT have to consent to a search of your vehicle when prompted by an officer as long as they do not have probable cause which they can obtain in several different ways. You can look that up later. If you do consent to a search, they may search your vehicle up until the point you tell them to stop (unless they find probable cause during the consented search). Now they can, however, issue for a warrant and they can bring in a K9 unit at any time. Ladies and gentlemen, if you have pot on you and they bring in a K9, youre probably screwed. If the K9 unit indicates any sign of narcotics, the officers now have instant probable cause to bypass a warrant. You should look up your state laws on marijuana laws and fines just to know what youre getting yourself into if you get caught.
Your local park may be a fun place to smoke, just be careful! Drive-in theaters are always fun and my friends and I like to bake in the car at Dennys before going inside for a nice, trippy meal. Funny memories.
Thats all for now folks. Thank you so much for reading my guide and I hope it was of some use to you!
If you're looking for tips to keep your smoke secret, look no further. Within this guide on stealth smoking are several methods, tricks and tips to avoid nosey neighbors, roommates, parents, da law, and etcetera. This may seem like common sense to many of you, and some of it is, but Ive learned many things through experience that would have saved me some trouble if I had known before.
If youre trying to stealth smoke and you get caught, life can get assy real fast. Not to mention, the paranoia you may or may not have of being caught with your pipe hangin out can freak you out (see figure 1 below for a very detailed diagram).
Figure 1
Lets Start with the Rules:
- There is no such thing as being too careful! Thats right. You should always do more than enough to cover up any evidence. Go big or go home. Be an over-achiever. Whatever. Just take extra measure to make sure you cover your tracks. Once you get caught, youll realize the stupid mistake(s) you made and youll wish you were more cautious. This is the number one rule!
- Example: Instead of just opening a window, set up a fan in front of it and use something to eliminate the odor and leave behind a disguising fragrance (more on this later)
- Refer to rule #1 J
- Just because you cant smell it doesnt mean someone else cant! After a lengthy exposure to smoke, the scent seems to become less pungent as you become used to it. You have to remember that those who havent been near it will be several times more likely to pick up on the smell. Smellf-awareness people!
- Dont get penisy! Err cocky. Dont get cocky. Theres pushing the boundaries and then theres straight up crossing the line. Use your better judgment to not get yourself into situations where youre dangerously likely to get caught even if you take necessary precautions. If youre questioning whether something is a safe or risky idea, its usually not a good idea.
- Leave nothing behind! Make sure you double check to make sure you didnt leave anything out or any evidence behind that can land your ass in a shit storm. You should even consider checking for things like ash, stems, seeds, shake, etc. If I were an unaware ganja hater and I stumbled into my sons room and noticed some ashes on the floor, Id become aware and would then be more likely to search around more. Wouldnt you?
- Be careful when deciding who you tell! Need I say more?
- Always consider what things are going to be like once youre baked! If you have to go through a shit ton of trouble to GET to the smoking part, think about what its going to be like when youre stoned and you have to put everything back into order and whatnot.
- Always have a story ready to go! I cannot stress this enough!
- Bad situation:
- Nosey bastard: I heard someone come through the front door last night. Was that you? What were you doing?
- Improper response:
- You: *oh shit what do I say* .. *whole seconds of awkwardness* Uhh I dont know.
- Proper response:
- You: Yeah, I took a leak outside. ^.^
- Bad situation:
How to Deal with the Smoke
Obviously marijuana has a very pungent aroma, therefore it is always important to manage the smell of the stuff on you and around you. Here are some tips to cover up that aroma:
- Wash your hands and face! Your hands will almost always smell like smoke after youre finished and because its on your hands, it can be easily spread and detected. Also consider giving your face a light wash while washing your hands. I recommend doing two wash cycles just to make sure.
- Chapstick and gum! Ohhhhh yes. That breath! Something must be done about it. When you talk to people, youre more or less blowing your breath in their face! Its VERY noticeable! Buy some minty breath mints or gum and some scented chapstick for extra measure and youll be fine.
- Spray cologne/perfume and deodorant! I recommend a small can of spray cologne (preferably not Axe because it smells like hell). Old Spice has some nice liquid pump spray bottle cologne that lasts a while rather than that invasive, harsh shit. I also recommend spraying some of it on your hair.
- Sploof! What a wonderful little invention. Take an empty toilet paper roll and stuff it with four or five dryer sheets and exhale your hits through it. The dryer sheets near completely cover up the smell, plus its disposable. If for some reason you dont want to use a sploof, you can exhale your hits directly into the spray stream on a Febreeze can. This will use a little more freshener than youd like, but it works. My favorite Febreeze fragrance for covering up pot is the New Zealand Springs fragrance. It seems to pretty much neutralize the ganja odor.
- Ventilation! Open a window, turn on the exhaust fan if there is one, and use a fan to extract the smoke. You can even stick dryer sheets to the back of the fan! It is also a definite must to always cover the bottom of the door and any air vents. I also recommend letting clothes and coats air out. Surprisingly, the smell of marijuana smoke doesnt linger too much (in comparison to cigarette smoke).
Smoking at Home
The best place to smoke at home is either outside, in your car, or in the bathroom. If youre living in an apartment complex or dorm, this may become tricky. The reason why the bathroom is one of the best places to smoke is because of the exhaust fan and the shower. Also, it is most likely to be a smaller room, therefore allowing the probably no more than 100 CFM exhaust fan to extract the volume of the room at a somewhat decent rate. If the fan is pulling air out faster than it can come in, the contaminated air will not bleed through the cracks of the door and into the other room because a suction INTO the bathroom through those cracks will be formed to compensate for the fans extraction. In other words, the fan is displacing the air faster than the nooks and crannies in the room can replace it, causing two suction points (fan and cracks) in order to reach equilibrium. ANYWAY you can also turn on a hot shower and let the steam help neutralize the smoke. It also helps if you take that bottle of crappy shampoo that you never use and put a few gobs in the tub so the water and steam can activate the aroma for a constant freshening approach.
If you plan on smoking outside, use common sense. You never know when your nosey ass neighbor is gawking at you through her window while petting Mr. Fuzzums and plotting your stoner-related demise. It is best to smoke at night and in unexposed areas like your backyard, woods, garage, whatever. These same rules apply to smoking in your car and if you do smoke in your car, let that thing air out! I know I said that weed smoke smell diminishes quickly but if it has no place to go, it wont necessarily go away. If anything, it will settle on your upholstery. I recommend keeping a can of Febreeze in your vehicle.
Smoking Outside of the Home
If youre smoking on the road, which I dont necessarily condone even though I do it on a daily basis, you might want to consider investing in getting your windows tinted for obvious reasons. It is advisable to park and spark rather than drive and spark. If you do decide to park somewhere, make sure you pick the place wisely. Dont park somewhere where you can be easily seen and dont park on someone elses property unless given permission! Marijuana is still illegal in most places and if you get caught by the wrong person, you can be looking at some hefty fines depending on the circumstances. I also recommend investing in a radar detector to avoid any circumstance where you could get pulled over. If you do happen to get pulled over, it is important to know your rights. If you are a citizen of the U.S., you are protected under the fourth amendment against unlawful search and seizures. You do NOT have to consent to a search of your vehicle when prompted by an officer as long as they do not have probable cause which they can obtain in several different ways. You can look that up later. If you do consent to a search, they may search your vehicle up until the point you tell them to stop (unless they find probable cause during the consented search). Now they can, however, issue for a warrant and they can bring in a K9 unit at any time. Ladies and gentlemen, if you have pot on you and they bring in a K9, youre probably screwed. If the K9 unit indicates any sign of narcotics, the officers now have instant probable cause to bypass a warrant. You should look up your state laws on marijuana laws and fines just to know what youre getting yourself into if you get caught.
Your local park may be a fun place to smoke, just be careful! Drive-in theaters are always fun and my friends and I like to bake in the car at Dennys before going inside for a nice, trippy meal. Funny memories.
Thats all for now folks. Thank you so much for reading my guide and I hope it was of some use to you!
I respect you for this. Haha
