Do I actually have any high ground to stand on or am I just another stoner?

Im not looking for someones approval of my actions, nor do I expect an opened arms welcome into the medicinal community. Im just wondering if I have a valid point to argue to my very unhappy wife or not.

so here's my story:

Im 25 years old, married (no kids), and have a full time career. Ive suffered from chronic back pain since a workmans comp injury when I was 19. Followed by a head on collision I was lucky to survive when I was 20. Iv'e always been very anxious/nervous and worry excesively. The anxiety often would make me agressive and easily angered although iv'e never been violent. I was also very depressed even in the best of times. In the past year my wife persuaded me to talk to my physician about the "mental issues" I suffered from since I was growing deeply depressed and also in a growing amount of pain in my back, left hip, and shoulders.

After a few questions I was diagnosed w/ general anxiety dissorder and chronic depresson. For this I was prescribed 20mg of lexapro a day.
A few visits to a skelital muscular specialist showed that my left hip and right shoulder were playing tug of war w/ my spine... For this i was prescribed 10mg percoset and skelaxin. plus some PT that hurt me more then helped me.

Lets fast forward about a year or back up to april of this year depending on your perspective: Gained about 60 pounds from the lexapro, stopped caring about anything, no sexual interest in my very atractive 23 year old wife, depression was there but I just didnt care about it anymore. Anxiety? wondering if we would make the mortgage payment was a waste of my time... Id pay the bills when I felt like it. Hows my back feeling? couldnt get out of bed w/out help (no I wasnt that heavy about 260 pounds) it hurt so much when I wasnt ont he percs.

My wife has always been supportive of me in everything ive done since we were friends in highschool. When I told her that I wanted my life back and was going to stop taking my prescriptions, she preppaired herself for the hell that was to come and was there for me even when I yelled at her for no reason a few times or totaly made an ass out of myself in public due to withdraw and pnaic/anxiety attacks.

After beeing off the meds for about 2 months I was feeling great, started going to the gym, enjoying my hobbies again, and enjoying my wife again if you know what I mean. Ive lost quite a bit of the weight also.

When I followed up w/ my doctor she noticed a big change in my personality and was very happy for me but noticed I was a bit manic and figity. After playing 20 questions I was diagnosed w/ ADHD. I actualy agree w/ this diagnosis, when she gave me scenarios and the predictable responces it was like she was reading my life from a book.

Enter a new demon: Adderall I was prescribed 20mg adderall XR as well as xanax for the ocasional anxiety attacks I still have. The adderall is great for my focus durring the work day, and becuase im not thinking about 5 things at a time my anxiety level dropped quite a bit.
After the 1st week I statred having a lot of trouble regulating my sleep and rememberign to eat. I would cycle from not sleeping or eating for 3 days to sleeping 14 hours a day to having maybe 1 normal night of 8 hours rest a week.

Desperate from the lack of sleep and appitite I took a friend up on a sugestion to try a little cannibus to see if I could eat. I had tried pot before when I was 17 and hated it to be honest, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took home his donation and threw it in my vaporizer (bought for tobacco to try and quit smoking). Took 1 hit and setled back into my office chair.

I wasnt realy light headed but I felt much more relaxed and after about 45 minutes descided that veggy pizza sounded amazing, called my wife and had her pick it up on the way home. I had 3 slices, coudled up on the couch and watched some tv, tossed around the sheets and got a great nights rest. Woke up feeling ready to face what ever chalenges the day had instore for me.

I did some research on the legal status of medicinal marijuana in the state of maryland and printed it up to present to my doctor. along w/ my account. Surprisingly she didnt dismiss me from her practice but did refuse to right me a "doctors note" marylands almost useless attempt at patient compassion.

So here I am illegaly using what seems like a miracal solution to my problems. I continued to ocasionaly use cannibus as needed, about 3 times a week in the evening after work, before dinner.

Beeing the open and honest persont hat I am I fessed up to my mother who although concerned was happy to see me feeling better.

My mother inlaw who is a cancer patient nurse. Who saw nothing wrong w/ my actions.

and My employer who apriciated my honesty but said I needed that little piece of paper before I would be off the hook on drug test, but was otherwise ok w/ it.

I couldnt actualy fess up to using cannibus to my wife. She was mentaly abused very badly by an ex-boyfriend in highschool who turned out to be a pot dealer. His 3 years of lies and manipulation have realy left a bad conotation in her mind. So I instead told her that I was thinking of trying a little to see if it helps my insomnia and lack of appetite. She basicly informed me she would divorce me if I did, I even got her mother to argue that it would probbibly help me a lot.

So here I am stuck between feeling "normal" and potentialy loosing the person whos helped me the most and always supported me up to this point.

I hadnt used any for a month after that conversation wich brings us to this week.

Im having a very hard time eating, im constantly iritable and depressed. I might sleep 4 hours a night and basicly hate my life. I vaped the last hit lastnight and descided that I was making things worse then they realy were and that a good meal and a shower would fix everything.

I know I forgot to keep track of the pain issue... Its noticable all the time but tollerable. I find that on the days after using my mindset alows me to tollerate and accept it better.

So right now I have my wifes harsh words ringing in my head "your just looking for a high, Ill leave if you ever even think of becoming a pot head like him"

Sorry for the long story but I feel that it conveys what made me turn to marijuana and join this forum.

So am I just a "pot head" or an "illegal medicinal patient" as I like to think of myself?


Edit: I refuse to take the xanax, makes me feel mentaly numb for lack of a better term

Additional edit: My number 1 counter arguement is that if I was looking for a high, why would I decline scripts for percocet and xanax?

%99 are just getting high.

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-- just a thought--

So your saying im just getting high? Im not trying to argue w/ you im just keeping track of the votes lol

Yes 1 vote for just getting high.

Some feel better smokeing by saying that it is medical.

I will get hell for this but oh well.

__________________
-- just a thought--

He is refering to his own situation not you, idiot

I don';t think you're a pot head you odviously are using because you have cronic pain and can't eat.....And seriously if your wife would leave you because you found something that relieves your pain and give you the ability to eat on a reguilar basis, leave her! She sounds like a nut, plus she had a previous relationship that might make her unnstable. You know what you should do. before you leave her....make some cannabutter and bake cookies and give them to her, then dip.


Cheers
Z33

LMAO dude. Well after posting this we got dinner and I brought this debate up. She agreed that if I get a doctors note then its acceptable but I still cant let her know ive been using.

Good luck to you. Have your wife read some on the medicinal propertys of cannabis! If she did some research she would find that its not the pot that made her x an ass, it was the person who made himself an ass!

She knows that. Honestly shes long since gotten over his bullshit. Her reservation at the moment is that we both have careers and shes afraid of legal consequences. Like I said shes always been there for me and it breaks her heart to see me miserable. Shes willing to accept this alternative, provided I get a doctors note. Which in our state equates to a reduced fine w/ no criminal record. Ive recently contacted a Maryland Medicinal marijuana advocate who forwarded me a list of open minded doctors. Given my doctors disposition I doubt Ill have trouble getting my records from her.

Thanks for the support, This has been a very welcoming community.

yea i think its sad we are treated like criminals for using a herb that grows naturally weither it be medical or not fuck the dumb ass gov

Although society tries to make it sound like you need that "one person" to fall in love and spend the rest of your life with, the only one that matters is #1. If smoking makes your life better, do it, fuck the bitch and do what you want.

You shouldn't be punished for her decision to date some guy that may or may not have been a douche bag. It sounds like she's looking for you to feel sorry for her and her poor decision making skills.

You're not a "pot head" (I'm not sure it would be a bad thing if you were, so long as you still got the things you need to get done done) if you're smoking to make yourself functional.

I will say that it seems like youre making some excuses though... Idk anyone who can't eat and is still 260lbs... But Idk.