I get bent out of shape if I don't have green in my life. I have severe depression and anxiety as well as thoughts of suicide. (Don't worry about me though. I know better.)

I smoke because it makes me into a normal person instead of the typical wreck I have become. So I've been dry for a while, maybe 2... maybe 3... god damn it... 3 weeks. I can't tolerate people or noise when I am without and my frustration levels are through the roof. I mull things over in my dreams sometimes. So the night before last I wasn't surprised to have the dream I had.

I dreamt I had a baggie the whole time I have been dry and just didn't know it. In the dream I found it and became overjoyed and smoked until I felt comfortable doing what normal people do. Then I woke up to find my reality smashed before my lungs. My determination to grow the medicine I need became ever present and I carried on through the day in a rough manner. Then last night, I dreamed I was living in my previous residence and searching in odd places like the bathroom for anything I could find until I did actually find a roach. I think I nearly pissed my dream pants and my real pants. As I began to light the roach my dad found me in the bathroom and became outraged at how I had put the family in danger by keeping anything at the house and how the neighbors were going to find out blah blah blah. Holy fuck it was a drama fest.

Then today I woke up with the strongest stinche of skunk in my nose - like Jerry Garcia and Tommy Chong came inside my nostrils or something. I couldn't shake it for like five minutes... I thought to myself wtf. Then for some reason I got the urge to clean my room since nothing else I had done that morning was productive. I picked up a pair of shorts on my floor in my bedroom and found a baggie of mostly seeds but also containing exactly ONE BOWL. I cataloged the seeds in their own bag and then removed the material and loaded it. (Even if I don't know what I'm smoking/planting I like to keep them seperate so I know what to expect later.)

This morning I had ten thousand problems. This afternoon I had zero.

On top of that I got my hands on enough cash for an o, unbelievably. But everyone is still dry.

I feel taunted and blessed at the same time. Life is weird even when you're an atheist.

Also, hola! My first time sayin high to everyone.

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Poor human nature, what horrible crimes have been committed in thy name! Every fool, from king to policeman, from the flatheaded parson to the visionless dabbler in science, presumes to speak authoritatively of human nature. The greater the mental charlatan, the more definite his insistence on the wickedness and weaknesses of human nature.

Wow, I can never remember any of my dreams.

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Kali Mist/Colombian Red Haze journal

Here's my last grow AK47 and PPP in hempy journal

welcome to RIU. enjoy the community and make sure you smoke weed everyday,,, it's good for you, trust me aloha!!

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" The stone that the builder refuse, shall always be the head cornerstone..." ~Bob Marley http://www.rollitup.org/grow-journal...-hawaiian.html

I heard that daily smoking can make you stop dreaming or forget your dreams but some people are born this way. I like to smoke salvia before I go to sleep sometimes and that does cool things to dreaming.

What am I saying? Don't stop for a minute.

Not for dreams anyway...

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Poor human nature, what horrible crimes have been committed in thy name! Every fool, from king to policeman, from the flatheaded parson to the visionless dabbler in science, presumes to speak authoritatively of human nature. The greater the mental charlatan, the more definite his insistence on the wickedness and weaknesses of human nature.