notes from the weasel diary...

Tuesday 21st...Reserved flights but clearly lacking the funds to confirm the purchase before the 27th cut-off point. Only hope is painfully abrupt sale of The Beast. My girl is happy but off the pace and far away. No more requests for 'a few lovely words'. If she had 'em, I'd see 'em naturally appear without prompting...Debated with myself facing HagFace..Decided, by assuming the H perspective, and awareness of my still raw pain, best leave the ugly firework display until H is back in town. I hope to high hell that she is affording me the same consideration...

...Andy and Sox both as they were, if a touch jaded, still breathing. He is understandably bitter, Kat Pains still palpable. Amputation. Ghost limb...
"Neck flattened...Her back half a bloody mess...she was ripped to pieces...wrapped her in a rug, drove home to bury her in the garden where she spent her happiest days"...

Swelling of my eye lid has reduced, but my sight is not revealing Eden...

Sun 27th...RECOVERY...Emotional farewell night with G on Friday ran through to 6am...He is a concern. His mental state scattered, talking himself into ending the war ( his relationship) with S. Drugs are the catalyst, though perhaps her blueprint for male figure is truly soured and seared by her father...G can play that role, but only when pushed, and he hates himself for it, for turning into a wild animal who can lash out with brute force at anyone close-by, friend or foe...gorgeous drug drunk conversation with tresoro...gushing love towards each other from afar...awoke at 8am, head pounding, light screaming through the blinds, bomb ticking in my skull...Who put it there***...Me...I spun my mind on a roundabout of peruvian powder, devil dark rum and pokey herbs...
"you want to get drunk***"
"you want to get stoned**"
"you want to get high***"
my sensible lawyer asked me, warned me, but i ignored him...
Had to defuse the bomb, turned the room inside out searching for paracetamols I was sure were saved from the recent sickness routine, found them, straight down the hatch with half a litre of ice cold tropical fruit juice...woke up at 12, desperate to piss but able to think straight...1st two hours of work, every sound louder than a mouse squeak sent cruel vibrations through my thinking box...though, come 330pm, I began to emerge giddy with lust and virility, from out of the pain cloud...Beast ride home to Kent..100 miles...more demanding and draining, than enjoyable...BUT, I spotted a wild deer in the same woods where H and I had laid down together a few months back, and fucked beautifully, under a canopy of tree leaves filtering snippets of sunshine onto our bed of soil and grass...Fell Asleep with Monty cat, arm in arm...furry fool kept waking me by rubbing his sleep paws and claws on my scraggly beard...

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