If you mess with the shit as often as you say, you're not dabbling. In fact you might have a "subclinical addiction," meaning you wouldn't pass the "Narcan challenge" if you wanted to get on naltrexone. I was trying to quit the black tar and had a doc that wrote me a script for naltrexone. I thought I didn't have any opiates in my system because I hadn't used in a couple days. Boy was I wrong. I took one pill and five minutes later I was in full withdrawal. Next 36 hours were so freakin' bad you wouldn't believe it if I told you. On top of that, junkie bitch living with me plugged up my toilet that same freakin' day with one of her giant junkie turds, so here I was with diarrhea and vomiting and no toilet, just my damn back yard in the middle of winter. That kind of grief is only funny in "Trainspotting."
See - that is what I am beginnig to suspect - my use has gotten to an every three day sort of thing, hardly enough time to let EVERYTHING exit my system. Now quantity of use is what everyone would be considered very low - 20 to 30 mg hydro or 6 mg hydromorphone or 5 oxymorphone so it isn't some huge intake but that doesn't preclude addiction - simply one that isn't that painful to bail out of (physiologicaly) - psychologicaly is a different matter. I have always known that no one is immune to this stuff - frankly the prospect of going the rest of my life without ever having the opportunity to have another opiate is distasteful (then again, tell me I can never have another cigar and I will go into a world of hurt - some, admittedly caused by my very minor nicotine jones but certainly not all). I've been sucessful with my intake of opiates for well over 20 years - in that I always had a few in a stash and trotted them out for myself and perhaps a few friends on a special occasion perrhaps going as long as 3 or 4 months between indulgences. Now, I won't go more than two weeksa and at times I find myself resenting giving an equal share to my wife. This all began after I aquired a rather large (to me) supply of oxycontin 40's. I figured I was set for YEARS on the 40 count I had in the jar. They lasted a scant 6 months - by all rights I should have a nice cluster of them in my stash and I dont.
I am told that there comes a point where a simple detox and a rest period won't make a difference, that I will have grown extra redeptors that take years to atrophy - I can deal with that but I was also told that if one goes through any sort of genuine withdrawal (not the flu for a day, that sinking depressing feeling, a runny nose and a bit of the runs), that it withdrawalswill faithfuly return in incrementaly shorter amounts of time. Where I could go a weekend - 2 hydros a day and wake up ready for work on tuesday without regret, I might have to endure a sleepless restless night as a result after these few days.
I like them a lot and would really rather not swear them off forever as I have little in the way of replacement and I dearly love altered states of conciousness but the returns are diminishing and there may come a time when it really isn't worth it. I don't have the same afinity as most here do for pot - it is rarely enjoyable to me and incapacitates me even in small amounts.
Sobriety is a wonderful thing, I enjoy it, I appreciate it but rarely do I enjoy it as much as when I know I have an option.