Jimmyjonestoo
Well-Known Member
My shaving cream can says apply liberally ........so while I put it on I bitch about everything.
Lets hear some jokes!
- Thread starter BOOM WHOMP
- Start date
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
I think it means "share with poor neighbors". cn
sniffer
Well-Known Member
this sailor at sea for last 6 months ,, there ship stops at a small island for a night ,
only a small bar on this island , after a few drinks the sailor ask the bartender if there are any women ,
he says no we dont have anything like that,
the sailor knows that he will be back at sea for the next 8 months , so after a few more drinks he ask the bartender
about hookers again ,, the bartender tells the sailor they have no hookers ,,
but if he needed to he could fuck old wan the china man ,,
sailor says, no i dont go for that shit .
a few more hours pass and after many more drinks , the sailor ask the bartender if he was to do old wan the china man , how much it cost
he says 1000 dollars ,, the sailor says wtf 1000 bucks to have sex with an old china man ??
the bartender says you dont understand , me and my busboy have to chase old wan and hold him for you ,
old wan dont go for that shit either
only a small bar on this island , after a few drinks the sailor ask the bartender if there are any women ,
he says no we dont have anything like that,
the sailor knows that he will be back at sea for the next 8 months , so after a few more drinks he ask the bartender
about hookers again ,, the bartender tells the sailor they have no hookers ,,
but if he needed to he could fuck old wan the china man ,,
sailor says, no i dont go for that shit .
a few more hours pass and after many more drinks , the sailor ask the bartender if he was to do old wan the china man , how much it cost
he says 1000 dollars ,, the sailor says wtf 1000 bucks to have sex with an old china man ??
the bartender says you dont understand , me and my busboy have to chase old wan and hold him for you ,
old wan dont go for that shit either
ted bundy
Active Member
Hahahaha shit fuck piss that got me laughin!
Hepheastus420
Well-Known Member
I would tell you guys the joke about the pizza, but it's too cheesy.
delvite
Well-Known Member
Evils of Marijuana
A certain college professor was known for getting off topic during lectures His favorite off-topic subject was "the evils of marijuana".
One day into his lecture he started talking about weed, "Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"
Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly.
"Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
A certain college professor was known for getting off topic during lectures His favorite off-topic subject was "the evils of marijuana".
One day into his lecture he started talking about weed, "Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"
Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly.
"Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
halfloaf
Active Member
paddy mick and murphy leave the pub walking down the road for a wile mick said i need a piss so they jump over the graveyard wall to have a piss they are all pissing away
mick starts reading whats on the headstone he's pising on hear lies fergus age 76 thats a no bad age murphy then says thats nothing this bloke was 82
paddy goes thats fuck all this guy here was 157 mick and murphy go whats his name paddy replys miles from dublin
mick starts reading whats on the headstone he's pising on hear lies fergus age 76 thats a no bad age murphy then says thats nothing this bloke was 82
paddy goes thats fuck all this guy here was 157 mick and murphy go whats his name paddy replys miles from dublin
Grojak
Well-Known Member
A man walked by this restaurant where he saw a Nun looking at the menu in the window, now this man hadn't been to church in quite sometime and so he stopped and said
"Excuse me sister, would you like to have lunch with me"?
She said
"Why thank you sir, but we nuns never carry more money than is absolutely necessary".
"Please sister, it would mean a great deal to me spiritually is I could buy you lunch"
The nun finally agrees and they go in and get seated, the waiter comes and brings their menus, they were big menus many pages. After looking over the menus for a while the sister says, "what is a Martin I"
The man looks up from his menu and he notices that the nun is fairly attractive and he figures he could reform himself any day but a chance like this comes once maybe twice in a lifetime.
The man reply "Well sister, it's a drink, you have 3 or 4 them before lunch and it makes everything taste better".
The nun says "WEll if it's not too much trouble I think I'd like to try one of those"
He says "it's not too much trouble I think I'll have one too"
The waiter comes over and the main kinda kicks him under the table, we'll have "2 Martin I's:" he said
Well the waiter figures the customer is always right so he takes the order and goes back to the bar.
"Joe you'll never believe what someone just ordered, "2 Martin I'l"
Joe says "Is that damn nun in here again"?
"Excuse me sister, would you like to have lunch with me"?
She said
"Why thank you sir, but we nuns never carry more money than is absolutely necessary".
"Please sister, it would mean a great deal to me spiritually is I could buy you lunch"
The nun finally agrees and they go in and get seated, the waiter comes and brings their menus, they were big menus many pages. After looking over the menus for a while the sister says, "what is a Martin I"
The man looks up from his menu and he notices that the nun is fairly attractive and he figures he could reform himself any day but a chance like this comes once maybe twice in a lifetime.
The man reply "Well sister, it's a drink, you have 3 or 4 them before lunch and it makes everything taste better".
The nun says "WEll if it's not too much trouble I think I'd like to try one of those"
He says "it's not too much trouble I think I'll have one too"
The waiter comes over and the main kinda kicks him under the table, we'll have "2 Martin I's:" he said
Well the waiter figures the customer is always right so he takes the order and goes back to the bar.
"Joe you'll never believe what someone just ordered, "2 Martin I'l"
Joe says "Is that damn nun in here again"?
Grojak
Well-Known Member
Pirate jokes?
Q: What does a Pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A: A Buccaneer
Q: What is a Pirates favorite fast food joint?
A: Arrrrrrby's
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink, dumb founded the waiter says "Captain, you have the helm to your ship in your pants" to which the pirate reply "arrr it's driver me nuts"
Q: What does a Pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A: A Buccaneer
Q: What is a Pirates favorite fast food joint?
A: Arrrrrrby's
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink, dumb founded the waiter says "Captain, you have the helm to your ship in your pants" to which the pirate reply "arrr it's driver me nuts"
delvite
Well-Known Member
Two fraud men go up to 20 blind men and say "Do you want to go on holiday?"
The blind men reply "yeah of course"
So the blind men give the fraud men £2000 each.
The fraud men drive them up to blackpool and put them on the beach and then go to the pub,
Whilst there they think that the blind men are going to get bored.
So they buy them a ball and give it to them.
The blind men go "Whats this?"
"Its a ball," replies one of the fraud men
"Well we cant see it!"
The fraud men think shit what we gonna do?
they spot a donkey with bells round its neck so they
go and buy sum bells and wrap them round the ball and then go back the pub.
Just then an old woman walks in and says "I tell you what the world today its demented"
"Why?" ask the fraud men.
"Because theres 20 blind men kicking shit out of a donkey on the beach!" pmsl
The blind men reply "yeah of course"
So the blind men give the fraud men £2000 each.
The fraud men drive them up to blackpool and put them on the beach and then go to the pub,
Whilst there they think that the blind men are going to get bored.
So they buy them a ball and give it to them.
The blind men go "Whats this?"
"Its a ball," replies one of the fraud men
"Well we cant see it!"
The fraud men think shit what we gonna do?
they spot a donkey with bells round its neck so they
go and buy sum bells and wrap them round the ball and then go back the pub.
Just then an old woman walks in and says "I tell you what the world today its demented"
"Why?" ask the fraud men.
"Because theres 20 blind men kicking shit out of a donkey on the beach!" pmsl
RawBudzski
Well-Known Member
My Garden.
Dislexicmidget2021
Well-Known Member
when a transvestite goes missing what do you do?
Have its face put on a carton of half and half.
Have its face put on a carton of half and half.