a dog named chico

Originally Posted by a dog named chico

the lowest part of my life. all i can do now is sit back and think about how everything go so fucked up in the first place. It SUCKS, it pulls me down into the blackness inside my mind, tortures me with words and flashes of situations i cannot control or change. I feel worthless and undeserving of what little life i have..i am running two lives with the power of half a person and am wearing thin. My body is weak and getting weaker as the days go on, my mind is jelly. Stuck between two worlds and struggling to bridge the gap i press on.
At times i question my devotion to the one thing that can pull me up, as i take another drag i ask myself is this solving or causing the problem? My mind opens, the noises stop, the visions less graphic...i feel strong, I can conquer the world. Another drag and i am the world..i fell love and sadness, anger and happiness, the troubles of my body are not that of my soul. The soul is wild and restless from it's extended slumber. it screams to be free, and it shall. I feel a tingle in the front of my head, it is my third eye opening...the soul can now see. My body no longer feels heavy and tired, it is only a vessel, a machine.
Deep Breath....IN.......OUT.....IN.....OUT

I wrote this yesterday and still mean it. I am working towards bettering my life and that of my family so instead of a thread i will be contributing to my jurnol...